9. My cousin Paul was unfortunate enough to draw the fruitcake from the gift exchange game. We draw numbers and can steal gifts from each other. This actual fruitcake and T-shirt have been passed around the last five years.
8. My cousin Kent went over to my Aunt Edith's and got this pink concrete poodle that once belonged to his mom, my Aunt Brenda, and dressed it up for Christmas night. It was the first time we'd seen the monstrosity in 15 years. There's a story behind it from several summers ago that involved whiskey, our quiet cousin Frank whom I've never met and the idea to go to K-Mart and buy florescent pink paint. Legend has it that it's on video tape and my Aunt Brenda walked in and started watching the tape with them. When she went to the front door upon realizing it was her concrete poodle that was being vandalized, she opened the door and saw it on the front porch where the pink monster was greeting her.
7. Before all that happened, my Aunt Brenda drew a pink poodle from the Christmas exchange which brought a round of laughter.
6. I accidentally stole my Aunt Debbie's thunder when I commented that cousin Samantha was pregnant Christmas night at my uncle's house. I happened to serendipitously check my Crackberry and see the post. Two minutes later we got a call from Roger and Debbie that they were coming over. Turns out it was to make the announcement.
5. My cousin Ashley is pregnant and due in May. She has two boys already (my cousin Vinny and my cousin Tony) and I asked her what she's going to do if she has twins. Our grandmother gave birth to two sets and it passes down through the females (her mom Jeanne) and skips a generation which means she is one of three that could have twins (Alise, Ashley, Stacy.) She looked at me with a scared look and said, "Oh my god, that's not funny." [Interesting side note, Tonya and Christy are daughters of a twin which means they also carry the gene, but not from our grandmother.]
4. Getting to see how scared my little cousins were on Santa's lap was amusing. Ryan at the age of two was the bravest of the bunch as he was fine with mommy or daddy there. Isabelle, Tony and Vincent were a mess. Isabelle literally shook in fear of the Fatman.
3. My mom telling my Aunt Brenda, that "I'd kill you dog to Brenda!" Brenda has this yorkie named Ally that she said my Uncle Billy would've killed a long time ago if she weren't around. Mom just felt the need to tease Brenda and was sounding like a character from "The Wizard of Oz."
2. The last two times I saw my two year old nephew, I worked the phrase "This guy" into his vocabulary. "Who has two thumbs and years a diaper?" "This guy!" (with him pointing both thumbs back at himself.)
Dylan, upon opening his gift, was asked by my sister, "Who's car? Who does that belong to?" He pointed at himself with both thumbs and yelled, "This guy!" It was the first time he had used the phrase since he saw me at Thanksgiving and it was exactly how Uncle Bryon taught him.
1. I was actually told I could not print this one. If you email me, I can tell it to you privately. It was wildly funny, completely inappropriate and extremely awkward.
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