Bring a Sports Coat...

On the Wednesday before Memorial Day in 1997, I got a call at 7:30 in the morning from my mom. She was calling to tell me her brother, my Uncle Earl, died that morning.

Most of my early memories with Earl surround the 1980 World Series when I stayed with him and my aunt while my mom and dad were in Vegas. I remember just a little before that, such as when he broke his arm on his motorcycle. And I swear I remember him putting me on the bleachers and telling me not to move at the age of 4 or 5 so he could go place a bet at a window for a horse race.

I was already planning on returning home for the weekend and I was scheduled off for Friday, but when I went into work, I told my client manager Nancy what had happened and I was going to leave a day earlier.

Later that morning, my phone at the client site rang and it was my sister.

"I looked all over and could not find your client site number, so I called your office and talked to the girl there, then mom found the number."

"Mom talked to [our Aunt] Debbie. They are making arrangements and she wanted to know if you would be a pall bearer."

"Yeah," I said. My brother Brandon and cousin Casey were also amongst the pall bearers.

"OK, mom says to make sure you have a sports coat."

"I don't have one, but dad might have one I can borrow." The entire world had gone business casual, so it was not surprising I didn't have a sports coat back then.

During the conversation, my voicemail light came on and I knew it was Jennifer from the office calling to tell me my sister had called. It was about a five minute conversation with Stacy before I hung up.

After the conversation, I listened to my voicemail.

"Hi Bryon, this is Jennifer from the office. Your sister called. She wants you to bring a sportscoat home this weekend because it's going to be really cold."

That was ... weird.

I listened to the message again. I was not hallucinating, that was what she said.

I sat there and thought about it for a few minutes.

***

I came home the next morning and my sister and mom were home.

After I sat down, I asked, "Stacy, what did you tell Jennifer when you called the office?"

"I told her 'Hi. My name is Stacy Jordan. I'm Bryon Jordan's sister. We don't know how to get ahold of him, so we were wondering if you could get a message to him. He's coming home this weekend and he needs to bring a sports coat because he's going to be a pall bearer at his uncle's funeral.'"

"OK," I said. "When I listened to my voicemail, she said to bring home a sports coat because it's going to be really cold."

Stacy and my mom had a funny look and laughed a little until they put it together.

Jen didn't know I already knew. For all she knew, she was breaking the news to me!

In a voicemail!

Instead of breaking the news to me in a message, she created a different reason I needed a sports coat that might make sense.

"Seriously", I said. "My initial reaction was it's the end of May and Louisville is hot and humid!"

As can happen during a time like this, this just struck us as extremely funny and my mom and sister could not stop laughing. We laughed ourselves to the point we had to wipe our eyes.

The phrase "Bring a sports coat, it's going to be really cold," would become a running joke amongst my mom, my sister and myself.

***

About a year and a half later, our pet cockatiel, Killer, died at the age of ten or eleven. She had passed several eggs and when part of her reproductive system ended up outside her body, my sister took her to the vet. Killer had surgery and seemed to respond well when Stacy took her up some crackers, but she didn't last the night.

Brandon called and told Stacy that Killer had died.

Saddened by the news, Stacy then called mom and said, "So I guess you heard about Killer?"

"No? How is she?"

Stacy could've strangled Brandon. He had not called mom to tell her.

"She died."

Mom was sad to hear about it and Stacy called my brother back.

"Why didn't you tell mom?"

"I was going to buy another cockatiel and slip it in the cage," he told her. "She'll never figure it out."

Like this was an episode of "Different Strokes!" I don't know what he was thinking, but he didn't have to buy a new cockatiel now because Stacy told mom what happened.

Stacy called me and relayed the whole story and what Brandon thought he was going to do to get it past our mom.

"Stacy, when mom asked how Killer was, you should've said, 'Mom, bring a sports coat. It's going to be really cold.'"

I heard a loud thump from my sister dropping the phone and gasping in the background as she could not breathe. About 15 seconds went by and all I could hear was an occasional gasp between the laughing fits.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" she said getting back on the phone. "I have to go." She was hyperventilating and she had to hang up.

I eventually told mom the same response over the phone and after she got done laughing she said I was a sick, sick person.