The Ghost of New Year's Eve Past

There I was, one night, just a normal guy. And then, there I was the next night, I was banned from all future New Year's Eve parties.

A few years ago, I believe it was 2001, I was invited to a New Year's Eve party at Bill and Erin's house to usher in 2002. I had known Bill for 8 years at that point, ever since I moved to Columbus. He was the first friend I made after moving there from Dayton.

This party was the first New Year's Eve party at his and Erin's new house in Gahanna.

We drank a lot of beer that night and I really didn't know Erin. Most of that night was fuzzy nine years ago much less today and when I left the party at 2:00 or 3:00 am, but I recall it was a long New Year's Day recovery.

Later that summer I had lunch with Cheryl and Larry. Larry was Bill's roomate for several years before Bill and Erin moved in together and I had worked with Cheryl at two companies.

I asked Larry about Bill and Erin, Cheryl innocently asks, "Is Bill the one whose wife hates Bryon?"

"What?" I asked. That came out of nowhere.

I could read Larry's face. I don't think he meant for Cheryl to repeat the story. "Well, you apparently said something that really upset her at the New Years Eve party."

I was stumped and wondered for a few months what I could have said. I am prone to being obnoxious sometimes and I also have a tendancy to tease the shit out people having been the oldest of three siblings and one of the oldest cousins out of sixteen on my mom's side of the family.

That September was Larry's pig roast and I ran into Bill as soon as I came around the garage. Erin was not around, so I had an opportunity to find out what horrible thing I said to alienate her.

"Hey Bill, I know I had a lot to drink at your New Year's party, but what did I say that upset Erin?"

Bill started laughing and explained. "She announced she was going to bed as we were playing cards and your comment was 'Wow, Erin, you're no fun. I can't see why Bill is dating you.'"

I stood there for a moment puzzled.

"That's it?"

He laughed again. "That's it."

"That's .... nothing. I thought it was something bad. I tease people like that all the time when I am sober much less like I was that night."

"Yeah, but she hardly mentions it any more."

"Any more?!?!?! She still mentions it? That was ten months ago and it was harmless."

"I know," said Bill. "We told her, 'It's Bryon. It's no big deal. You just don't know him.'"

I remember retelling this story to some friends the next week and they just looked at me in disbelief. One person asked me if she was Amish.

My sister asked me, "What does she do for a living; teach oversensitivity training?"

Even my mom joked, "Was she an only child? Had she never been teased in her life? Were you the first one ever to tease her?"

I didn't know the answers to these questions. She barely spoke to me after that.

Bill and Erin were married the next month. I contemplated asking Bill's ex-girlfriend to go to the wedding with me. I figured if Erin was going to hate me, I should give her a real reason.

Instead, I let it go.... except for when I looked for a Hallmark card that said. "Lighten up Princess." Hallmark does not really have a card for every occasion.

Amazingly, I was not invited back to New Year's Eve that year.

I did get invited the following year and I asked Bill how that happened when he and I were alone, standing at the keg. He laughed and said it was because HE sent out the invitations and included me.

Ever since that second night, I think Erin's been making that list and checking it twice.