All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel;
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun,
Pop! goes the weasel.
Prologue #1
When I was a kid, I had a creepy little metal jack in the box. The "Jack" was a clownish looking court jester that popped out. I remember it was fairly creepy looking and I remember I could turn the arm to stop one note short so all it took was a slight touch to get that thing to jump out.
Prologue #2
Those five people who may have read old stories on here may recall I am not a fan of clowns.
The horror of clowns even made for a creepy episode of Supernatural where they were hunting an evil clown spirit.
Dean Winchester: I know what you're thinking Sam. Why did it have to be clowns?
Sam Winchester: Oh, give me a break.
Dean Winchester: You didn't think I remember, do you? Come on, you still bust out crying when you see Ronald McDonald on the television.
Sam Winchester: At least I'm not afraid of flying.
Dean Winchester: Planes crash!
Sam Winchester: And apparently clowns kill.
Christmas Eve Morning
I walked up to my mom's front porch on Christmas Eve morning. She was expecting me to stop by. As I walked up, I saw Fed Ex had left a package on the doorstep. I brought it in with me as I walked in.
She was busy baking in preparation for Christmas Eve at my brother's house.
"What's that?" she asked.
"It was on the front porch. Fed Ex left it."
"Oh.... Wait! I know what that is. You have to open it."
I looked and noticed it was sent to me.
"Madison sent it to you for Christmas."
After I opened the cardboard box, I removed the paper and saw a painted clown on a metal box. I knew immediately she sent me a jack in the box.
Mom stood there laughing.
"This is wrong," I said as I pulled it out.
It was creepy. It was well detailed and had the little metal arm to turn.
"You have to play it!" mom said. She clearly knew it was coming for me and she was way too excited to see me react to it.
So I set it down and as I wound the arm, it played "Pop Goes the Weasel." There was a creepiness as I turned it when all of a sudden the box whispers, "Come closer."
I stopped turning it.
"What the ****?"
Mom was laughing. "Keep going."
I start it again and the child-like creepy voice again says, "Come Closer." That was followed by, "I have a secret."
I stopped again. "This is wrong."
"Keep going!" she said laughing.
I turned it some more. "Come closer," it whispered again.
At the climax, the freakiest freaking clown in the history of clowns pops out and screams, "DID THE LITTLE CLOWN FRIGHTEN YOU? AWWWWW. GO RUN TO YOUR MOMMY!!!!"
This was followed by a hideous laugh.
Christmas Eve Night
I am hanging at my friend's house and I brought it in for all to see. It was a hit, to the extent that it was the creepiest thing they had EVER seen. They all loved that my goddaughter bought me such an evil gift.
When Adrienne's sister walked in, Wendy prodded me to show Jen. I said, "Are you kidding? I don't want her to scare the clown!"
A Prologue as the Epilogue
My sister walked into the Fed Ex store and wanted to ship the gift to me.
"What is that?" asked the first girl behind the count.
"It's a scary jack in the box for my brother. He's scared of clowns." Just for the record, I am not scared of them, I just do not like them.
The other girl answered. "Wow. It must be really interesting to be in your family."
The first girl spoke again. "Where can I buy one?"
Monday, December 26, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Why We Will Fail as a Society
I was just standing at the Target counter.
I hand the girl $20.00 when I notice the register rang up $5.02.
"Hang on on," I say as I reach into my pocket, "I have two cents."
I pull them out to give her.
"I already rang it up," she tells me.
"This will make the change an even $15.00."
"I can't. I already rang it up."
She's an idiot. I realize I cannot explain something to her as simple as $14.98 + $0.02 = $15.00.
"Can you leave the drawer open and give me a dollar back for a dollar of change?"
"You have to go to the customer service counter to do that."
Are you fucking kidding me? We allow people like this to have minimum power like working at a register?
She has no business being in a position where math is involved.
Target needs to hire smarter people capable of thinking.
I hand the girl $20.00 when I notice the register rang up $5.02.
"Hang on on," I say as I reach into my pocket, "I have two cents."
I pull them out to give her.
"I already rang it up," she tells me.
"This will make the change an even $15.00."
"I can't. I already rang it up."
She's an idiot. I realize I cannot explain something to her as simple as $14.98 + $0.02 = $15.00.
"Can you leave the drawer open and give me a dollar back for a dollar of change?"
"You have to go to the customer service counter to do that."
Are you fucking kidding me? We allow people like this to have minimum power like working at a register?
She has no business being in a position where math is involved.
Target needs to hire smarter people capable of thinking.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Welcome to my Nightmare Before Christmas
School's Out Cincinnati
So I have created a list of things I wanted to do this year and I am so bad about getting around to stuff that I only just completed my first one. And the only reason it got completed was because of my Crazy Friend Erin (tm.)
She became excited and told me, "You need to add Go see Alice Cooper to your list."
Erin is an Alice Cooper fanatic. When she and I reconnected three years ago she pulled a photo album out and there was a picture in thre I had long forgotten. She and her brother Tom went in the 80s to see Alice and they had the face make up on, looking like Alice himself.
"It'll be fun," she told me.
Show a Little Faith, There's Magic in the Nightmare
I rolled late into Cincinnati and stopped in for a burger at Arnold's. It is the oldest standing tavern in Cincinnati as I understand it. I met up with Aaron, Erin and Tom and had a beer as we conversed an ate for an hour before waling over to the Taft Theater.
While I can't go into detail the conversation, I just wish I had a recorder. It was simply funny the entire hour.
But there was a fundamental example of how polar opposite Erin and I are. There was a plump Australian girl walking around the place drunk. The accent was awesome. She was wearing a Mrs. Santa Claus outfit and she was quite lively, chatting up everyone around as she stammered about. She was loud, funny, friendly; and having her come over to our table was the last thing in the world I wanted to happen. The girl made herself the center of attention and all eyes were on on her, wherever she was in the bar. I hate being involved in the center of attention and her coming over would have done that.
Erin says, "Oh my God, we should get our picture taken with her!!!!"
Later we learned she was simply an actress acting drunk for the benefit of a play outside, trying to round up audience members.
At one point Erin excused herself from the table to go to the restroom. She returned with the black makeup on her face, looking like Alice cracking all of us up.
The show was simply amazing. I remembered more songs than I realized from his playbook. And Alice is both a showman and an athlete.
The first half of the set was extremely strong with the opening of "Black Widow" all the way through "Muscle of Love." It ROCKED.
He also had his various props (bringing out the snake, money with his face printed on it, etc.) By the 5th song, I was noticing how sad it was I don't need earplugs as music sounds muffled without them for me. I died little inside.
Anyways the music and the band were very solid on their own, but he added a nice touch with theatrics that he is well known for.
During "No more Mr. Nice Guy," the absolutely normal mother of three was throwing punches towards the stage. I couldn't help but laugh.
During "Halo of Flies," Tom, to my left, was so into it he grabs my left arm using it as a guitar and air guitars along; surreal and funny. It was right after this song that Tom and Erin ran up to the front row and watched the rest of the show there while Aaron and I enjoyed it from a distance.
1. The Black Widow
2. Brutal Planet
3. I'm Eighteen
4. Under My Wheels
5. Billion Dollar Babies (Alice Cooper cash went everywhere as he swung it off what looked like a fencing sword)
6. No More Mr. Nice Guy
7. Hey Stoopid
8. Is It My Body (brought out the snake)
9. Halo of Flies
10. I'll Bite Off Your Face
11. Muscle of Love.
My only complaint at this point was Alice shaking macaranas during "Muscle of Love." That does not really define "badass," Alice. I looked it up and verified it.
Then again, neither does a guy having the name "Alice," but up to this point, he was a badass showman on stage.
There were two songs in the middle that really did not do it for me.
12. Only Women Bleed
13. Cold Ethyl
Maybe it was the prop of the ragdoll manniquin woman, but it was a bit creepy as he tossed it around an then later kissed it.
During the show, the entire stage was decorated like a European Castle with a couple effigies hanging and I thought of Dracula for some misguided reason as the 2nd half of the set hit a peak with "Frankenstein." The ending had a 12 foot tall Frankenstein on stage. It was campy, amazing and awesome.
He brought the guillotine out during "Wicked Young Man" and (Kids - do not try this at home!) simulated his head getting chopped off.
"School's Out" also featured a verse of "Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall (Part Two)" that blended quite smoothly with his anthem. There were giant balloons and as Alice popped them, confetti flew everywhere.
It ended with him yelling out "School's Out Cincinnati!!!" and an amazing, surreal set came to an end.
The show went through the roof and ended with an amazing version of "Elected" with Alice saying he would run as a representative of "The Wild Party!"
14. Feed My Frankenstein
15. Clones
16. Poison
17. Wicked Young Man
18. Killer
19. I Love the Dead
20. School's Out (w/ Another Brick in the Wall)
21. Elected
The drive home was about 80 minutes.
I even saw a shooting star right before I hit exit 22 on I-71.
Erin told me to add Alice Cooper to my list. She was right.
So I have created a list of things I wanted to do this year and I am so bad about getting around to stuff that I only just completed my first one. And the only reason it got completed was because of my Crazy Friend Erin (tm.)
She became excited and told me, "You need to add Go see Alice Cooper to your list."
Erin is an Alice Cooper fanatic. When she and I reconnected three years ago she pulled a photo album out and there was a picture in thre I had long forgotten. She and her brother Tom went in the 80s to see Alice and they had the face make up on, looking like Alice himself.
"It'll be fun," she told me.
Show a Little Faith, There's Magic in the Nightmare
I rolled late into Cincinnati and stopped in for a burger at Arnold's. It is the oldest standing tavern in Cincinnati as I understand it. I met up with Aaron, Erin and Tom and had a beer as we conversed an ate for an hour before waling over to the Taft Theater.
While I can't go into detail the conversation, I just wish I had a recorder. It was simply funny the entire hour.
But there was a fundamental example of how polar opposite Erin and I are. There was a plump Australian girl walking around the place drunk. The accent was awesome. She was wearing a Mrs. Santa Claus outfit and she was quite lively, chatting up everyone around as she stammered about. She was loud, funny, friendly; and having her come over to our table was the last thing in the world I wanted to happen. The girl made herself the center of attention and all eyes were on on her, wherever she was in the bar. I hate being involved in the center of attention and her coming over would have done that.
Erin says, "Oh my God, we should get our picture taken with her!!!!"
Later we learned she was simply an actress acting drunk for the benefit of a play outside, trying to round up audience members.
At one point Erin excused herself from the table to go to the restroom. She returned with the black makeup on her face, looking like Alice cracking all of us up.
The show was simply amazing. I remembered more songs than I realized from his playbook. And Alice is both a showman and an athlete.
The first half of the set was extremely strong with the opening of "Black Widow" all the way through "Muscle of Love." It ROCKED.
He also had his various props (bringing out the snake, money with his face printed on it, etc.) By the 5th song, I was noticing how sad it was I don't need earplugs as music sounds muffled without them for me. I died little inside.
Anyways the music and the band were very solid on their own, but he added a nice touch with theatrics that he is well known for.
During "No more Mr. Nice Guy," the absolutely normal mother of three was throwing punches towards the stage. I couldn't help but laugh.
During "Halo of Flies," Tom, to my left, was so into it he grabs my left arm using it as a guitar and air guitars along; surreal and funny. It was right after this song that Tom and Erin ran up to the front row and watched the rest of the show there while Aaron and I enjoyed it from a distance.
1. The Black Widow
2. Brutal Planet
3. I'm Eighteen
4. Under My Wheels
5. Billion Dollar Babies (Alice Cooper cash went everywhere as he swung it off what looked like a fencing sword)
6. No More Mr. Nice Guy
7. Hey Stoopid
8. Is It My Body (brought out the snake)
9. Halo of Flies
10. I'll Bite Off Your Face
11. Muscle of Love.
My only complaint at this point was Alice shaking macaranas during "Muscle of Love." That does not really define "badass," Alice. I looked it up and verified it.
Then again, neither does a guy having the name "Alice," but up to this point, he was a badass showman on stage.
There were two songs in the middle that really did not do it for me.
12. Only Women Bleed
13. Cold Ethyl
Maybe it was the prop of the ragdoll manniquin woman, but it was a bit creepy as he tossed it around an then later kissed it.
During the show, the entire stage was decorated like a European Castle with a couple effigies hanging and I thought of Dracula for some misguided reason as the 2nd half of the set hit a peak with "Frankenstein." The ending had a 12 foot tall Frankenstein on stage. It was campy, amazing and awesome.
He brought the guillotine out during "Wicked Young Man" and (Kids - do not try this at home!) simulated his head getting chopped off.
"School's Out" also featured a verse of "Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall (Part Two)" that blended quite smoothly with his anthem. There were giant balloons and as Alice popped them, confetti flew everywhere.
It ended with him yelling out "School's Out Cincinnati!!!" and an amazing, surreal set came to an end.
The show went through the roof and ended with an amazing version of "Elected" with Alice saying he would run as a representative of "The Wild Party!"
14. Feed My Frankenstein
15. Clones
16. Poison
17. Wicked Young Man
18. Killer
19. I Love the Dead
20. School's Out (w/ Another Brick in the Wall)
21. Elected
The drive home was about 80 minutes.
I even saw a shooting star right before I hit exit 22 on I-71.
Erin told me to add Alice Cooper to my list. She was right.
Friday, December 2, 2011
The House of Mouse
Back in December of 1991, I was living in downtown Dayton, just North of the Little Miami River that cuts through the city. It was a small area of homes just on the back end of Hugh White Honda on Linwood Street.
I was working for Cap Gemini America and had a small three room apartment in a house that was built in the late 1800s or early 1900s. The house had a lot of character. I had the upper left apartment. Hannah lived across the hall from me on what was the other half of the second floor. She was an older lady, in her mid 70s, who had a nephew that stopped in weekly to check up on her.
As the weather got colder and living by the river, I was shocked to learn that mice had found their way into the house to seek warmth. It made sense though, a really old house likely has all sorts of ways that mice can get in.
The two neighbors downstairs included a young couple who had an annoying dog and my friends Ivan and Ivana. I have to call them that because they get angry when I write stories about them with their given names of Chris and Cindy. Both sets of neighbors had cats, which meant, they were mouse free. That left myself and Hannah to handle MouseQuest 1991 on our own.
I bought some mousetraps at Meijers late that Saturday night and set the first on at 12:45 Sunday afternoon. I settled into the ugly gray chair to watch my Bengals and I remember what a sunny day it was.
Right at 1:00, I heard a snap in the kitchen and it was so loud and out of the norm, I lept out of the chair wondering, "What the Hell was that?" Then I remembered I set a trap!
I ran into the kitchen and saw the most incredible sight. A mouse with the torso the size of my fist - I am NOT kidding - was trying his damndest to drag the mouse trap that snapped across his body back under the stove. This was the toughest freaking mouse I have ever seen. This was a rodent of unusual size and determinization.
He got under there before I could stop him, but he soon succummbed to his life altering injuries. I got a wire coat hanger and was able to fish him out.
I set the second trap moments later, placed it in the kitchen floor and went back to watch my Bengals.
At 1:15, I heard another SNAP!
This one died immediately.
I set the third trap.
At 1:30, like clockwork, SNAP!!!!! One of them was a really creepy looking two toned fuzzy mouse and there was a pool of blood on the trap and floor.
I set the fourth trap.
At 2:00, I was 4 for 4.
The mice were gradually getting smaller and taking longer and longer between catches as I wrangled 6 of them by the end of the game. That was all I caught as I think they renamed my apartment to Mousedor.
One does not simply scurry into Mousedor.
I scared the Hell out of Ivana when she took the lid off the garbage can and saw a mouse in there Monday morning. I was told by her to dispose of them in a better method going forward.
Later that week, Ivan and I were talking with Hannah. She always seemed to be such a nice and gentle elderly lady.
A mouse had fallen into her tub that week and she didn't know what to do.
She then told us a story that horrified me to this day.
The mouse could not get out of the tub and she was not about to just pick it up, so she needed to kill it the only way she could think of. She boiled a pot of water and killed it by pouring the boiling water and bleach on the mouse.
I learned that day from Hannah that a mouse is capable of screaming.
I always wondered if Hannah was a Nazi interogater in hiding after that day.
The mice did not ever come back into the house with the cats down stairs, the experienced mouse hunter in the top left and the Nazi torturer in the top right.
Word was out in the mouse community and they stayed clear of the House of Horrors.
I was working for Cap Gemini America and had a small three room apartment in a house that was built in the late 1800s or early 1900s. The house had a lot of character. I had the upper left apartment. Hannah lived across the hall from me on what was the other half of the second floor. She was an older lady, in her mid 70s, who had a nephew that stopped in weekly to check up on her.
As the weather got colder and living by the river, I was shocked to learn that mice had found their way into the house to seek warmth. It made sense though, a really old house likely has all sorts of ways that mice can get in.
The two neighbors downstairs included a young couple who had an annoying dog and my friends Ivan and Ivana. I have to call them that because they get angry when I write stories about them with their given names of Chris and Cindy. Both sets of neighbors had cats, which meant, they were mouse free. That left myself and Hannah to handle MouseQuest 1991 on our own.
I bought some mousetraps at Meijers late that Saturday night and set the first on at 12:45 Sunday afternoon. I settled into the ugly gray chair to watch my Bengals and I remember what a sunny day it was.
Right at 1:00, I heard a snap in the kitchen and it was so loud and out of the norm, I lept out of the chair wondering, "What the Hell was that?" Then I remembered I set a trap!
I ran into the kitchen and saw the most incredible sight. A mouse with the torso the size of my fist - I am NOT kidding - was trying his damndest to drag the mouse trap that snapped across his body back under the stove. This was the toughest freaking mouse I have ever seen. This was a rodent of unusual size and determinization.
He got under there before I could stop him, but he soon succummbed to his life altering injuries. I got a wire coat hanger and was able to fish him out.
I set the second trap moments later, placed it in the kitchen floor and went back to watch my Bengals.
At 1:15, I heard another SNAP!
This one died immediately.
I set the third trap.
At 1:30, like clockwork, SNAP!!!!! One of them was a really creepy looking two toned fuzzy mouse and there was a pool of blood on the trap and floor.
I set the fourth trap.
At 2:00, I was 4 for 4.
The mice were gradually getting smaller and taking longer and longer between catches as I wrangled 6 of them by the end of the game. That was all I caught as I think they renamed my apartment to Mousedor.
One does not simply scurry into Mousedor.
I scared the Hell out of Ivana when she took the lid off the garbage can and saw a mouse in there Monday morning. I was told by her to dispose of them in a better method going forward.
Later that week, Ivan and I were talking with Hannah. She always seemed to be such a nice and gentle elderly lady.
A mouse had fallen into her tub that week and she didn't know what to do.
She then told us a story that horrified me to this day.
The mouse could not get out of the tub and she was not about to just pick it up, so she needed to kill it the only way she could think of. She boiled a pot of water and killed it by pouring the boiling water and bleach on the mouse.
I learned that day from Hannah that a mouse is capable of screaming.
I always wondered if Hannah was a Nazi interogater in hiding after that day.
The mice did not ever come back into the house with the cats down stairs, the experienced mouse hunter in the top left and the Nazi torturer in the top right.
Word was out in the mouse community and they stayed clear of the House of Horrors.
Friday, November 18, 2011
The Big Train Keeps on Rolling
When I heard that Bob Seger was touring recently, I thought back to the only time I had ever seen him which was at Freedom Hall in 1986 (September 16th to be exact – yes, it’s a sickness to remember stuff like this.) I recalled being in high school and how disappointed I was that he had not performed some of the great hits like “Night Moves,” “Rock and Roll Never Forgets” and “Katmandu.” that night. I felt a little cheated.
In September I bought tickets for the 11/4 show in Columbus, Ohio, where I lived for 17 years, only to realize after the fact I was scheduled to be at a conference and I had to give those 8th row seats to a friend there. What was more frustrating was I was also shut out of the Louisville show. My definition of shutout is vastly different now then what it was back then. I could have gotten a nosebleed, but years of seeing shows up close thanks to the greatest network of Tramps has completely spoiled me, so I did not buy one. I would wait for the infamous ticket drop and let the ticket gods do with me as they please.
On the day of the show, at about 11:15, I pulled up a 3rd row seat that was released online!
I was seated on Clarence’s side (a direct nod to my fellow Tramps,) 3 seats in.
The show started off on a bad foot as they built up the momentum of walking out with the crowd cheering only to have a false start with “Roll Me Away” when they had to bring another bass out. The other issue with this opener was when Bob held the microphone out for the fans to sing the refrain. This just does not work well on this song.
“Trying to Live My Life Without You” did not help build the momentum.
“The Fire Down Below” was fairly solid, but it was at this point I was really bothered by the muddy mix. Bob’s voice was also drowned out in the mix. It was lacking strength and it was not loud enough.
Then it sort of came to a halt losing any momentum he gained by sitting down to do “Mainstreet.” But before it could even start, Bob experienced a guitar problem. They had to run out a replacement and Bob joked that it can’t possibly happen a third time [that something needs to be replaced.) I like the song, it just killed the tempo they were trying to build. The vocals were still not strong and I was not into the show at all. People were not engaged and seemed to be chattering quite a bit. Springsteen never has this occur this early. This is why a show should open with 5 to 7 rocking songs.
The show had zero flow at this point.
So the hope would be the “Old Time Rock and Roll” might pick it up. The crowd responded well, but I still had not. What was wrong? The band was not at all tight, vocals were weak, the sound was muddy. I was actually contemplating leaving it was that much of a cluster.
I'm not Mikey. I don't always like everything, but I love live music and almost never say anything negative about an act, but this was that bad. Could it get more detached than what it was?
Yes.
“Little Drummer Boy” brought to an end any momentum that the old war horse had gained. And I just hate the song to begin with. Sigh. It was completely out of place. It also featured a microphone malfunction that delayed the song starting as they brought out a new one.
The show finally took a step in the right direction with “Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man” although I think Springsteen performed it better when I saw him in Detroit in 2008. Still, I decided I would stay for another song.
The show took a swing for the better with the audible “Long Twin Silver Line,” one of my favorites off “Against The Wind.” It definitely was not on the setlist as someone sent me a photo from the back stage (see below.) The band was more in sync although the sound was still a little muddy, but it seemed improved. I got goosebumps if only because I love the song and never expected him to perform it. I decided I would stay for another song.
“Hey Hey Going Back to Birmingham” rocked. I decided I would stay for another song.
“Travelin’ Man” finally was where the show finally hit its stride. It was awesome. "Beautiful Loser” closed the first set. Overal it was unsatisfying for me. I had seen better performances from opening acts before. I was a little disillusioned.
At one point early in life, I was a bigger fan of Bob Seger than Bruce Springsteen as the songs all seemed to tell stories that had happened to me along the way. I really wanted this to be a good show. Could Bob and the band salvage the night?
The second set was vastly different. The band was tight, the sound was better and Bob finally sounded better as they tore through a set of classics. He must’ve ripped their ass at halftime because they came out and were very solid for the rest of the show.
“Nutbush City Limits” set the tone for the rest of the evening. It’s a favorite of mine and they did it justice.
“Come to Poppa” used a guitar riff that sounded similar to a Kinks riff, but if Jimi Hendrix was playing. It was really cool. Kenny Greenberg was on guitar and was, for me, the exceptional musician on the stage. He is apparently a session player in Nashville and added a lot with his lead guitar to every song.
“Her Strut” was really strong.
“Betty Lou’s Getting Out Tonight” is another favorite and was the best song of the night up to this point. I was immediately transported back to a memory in high school when Tim O'Brien heard the song for the first time when I was driving around and it didn't leave his head for days.
“We’ve Got Tonight” followed and then the classic “Turn the Page” was actually haunting as the opening sax sent chills down my neck.
“Sunspot Baby” became a sing-a-long with the crowd as they were very engaged at this point.
“Katmandu” ended a very strong 2nd set. It was very clear to me how much Bob really enjoys performing on stage during the entire second set.
The encores were very strong. “Against the Wind” may be my favorite Seger song and it was majestic. The second verse in particular stuck with me tonight.
“Hollywood Nights” was quite awesome.
“Night Moves” was nice.
“Rock and Roll Never Forgets” closed the night and was a powerful anthem, much more so considering how badly the show started. It was actually one of the best closers I've seen outside of a Springsteen show.
His performance was 2 hours and 20 minutes. The lady next to me took some photos I hope to post here after Sunday.
11/17/2011 – Yum! Center
1. Roll me away
2. Trying to live my life w/o you
3. Fire down below
4. Mainstreet
5. Old Time Rock and Roll
6. Little Drummer Boy
7. Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
8. Long Twin Silver Line
9. Hey Hey Going Back to Birmingham
10. Travelin' Man
11. Beautiful Loser
12. Nutbush City Limits
13. Come to Poppa
14. Her Strut
15. Betty Lou’s Getting Out Tonight
16. We've got tonight
17. Turn the Page
18. Sunspot Baby
19. Katmandu
20. Against the Wind
21. Hollywood Nights
22. Night Moves
23. Rock and Roll Never Forgets
In September I bought tickets for the 11/4 show in Columbus, Ohio, where I lived for 17 years, only to realize after the fact I was scheduled to be at a conference and I had to give those 8th row seats to a friend there. What was more frustrating was I was also shut out of the Louisville show. My definition of shutout is vastly different now then what it was back then. I could have gotten a nosebleed, but years of seeing shows up close thanks to the greatest network of Tramps has completely spoiled me, so I did not buy one. I would wait for the infamous ticket drop and let the ticket gods do with me as they please.
On the day of the show, at about 11:15, I pulled up a 3rd row seat that was released online!
I was seated on Clarence’s side (a direct nod to my fellow Tramps,) 3 seats in.
The show started off on a bad foot as they built up the momentum of walking out with the crowd cheering only to have a false start with “Roll Me Away” when they had to bring another bass out. The other issue with this opener was when Bob held the microphone out for the fans to sing the refrain. This just does not work well on this song.
“Trying to Live My Life Without You” did not help build the momentum.
“The Fire Down Below” was fairly solid, but it was at this point I was really bothered by the muddy mix. Bob’s voice was also drowned out in the mix. It was lacking strength and it was not loud enough.
Then it sort of came to a halt losing any momentum he gained by sitting down to do “Mainstreet.” But before it could even start, Bob experienced a guitar problem. They had to run out a replacement and Bob joked that it can’t possibly happen a third time [that something needs to be replaced.) I like the song, it just killed the tempo they were trying to build. The vocals were still not strong and I was not into the show at all. People were not engaged and seemed to be chattering quite a bit. Springsteen never has this occur this early. This is why a show should open with 5 to 7 rocking songs.
The show had zero flow at this point.
So the hope would be the “Old Time Rock and Roll” might pick it up. The crowd responded well, but I still had not. What was wrong? The band was not at all tight, vocals were weak, the sound was muddy. I was actually contemplating leaving it was that much of a cluster.
I'm not Mikey. I don't always like everything, but I love live music and almost never say anything negative about an act, but this was that bad. Could it get more detached than what it was?
Yes.
“Little Drummer Boy” brought to an end any momentum that the old war horse had gained. And I just hate the song to begin with. Sigh. It was completely out of place. It also featured a microphone malfunction that delayed the song starting as they brought out a new one.
The show finally took a step in the right direction with “Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man” although I think Springsteen performed it better when I saw him in Detroit in 2008. Still, I decided I would stay for another song.
The show took a swing for the better with the audible “Long Twin Silver Line,” one of my favorites off “Against The Wind.” It definitely was not on the setlist as someone sent me a photo from the back stage (see below.) The band was more in sync although the sound was still a little muddy, but it seemed improved. I got goosebumps if only because I love the song and never expected him to perform it. I decided I would stay for another song.
“Hey Hey Going Back to Birmingham” rocked. I decided I would stay for another song.
“Travelin’ Man” finally was where the show finally hit its stride. It was awesome. "Beautiful Loser” closed the first set. Overal it was unsatisfying for me. I had seen better performances from opening acts before. I was a little disillusioned.
At one point early in life, I was a bigger fan of Bob Seger than Bruce Springsteen as the songs all seemed to tell stories that had happened to me along the way. I really wanted this to be a good show. Could Bob and the band salvage the night?
The second set was vastly different. The band was tight, the sound was better and Bob finally sounded better as they tore through a set of classics. He must’ve ripped their ass at halftime because they came out and were very solid for the rest of the show.
“Nutbush City Limits” set the tone for the rest of the evening. It’s a favorite of mine and they did it justice.
“Come to Poppa” used a guitar riff that sounded similar to a Kinks riff, but if Jimi Hendrix was playing. It was really cool. Kenny Greenberg was on guitar and was, for me, the exceptional musician on the stage. He is apparently a session player in Nashville and added a lot with his lead guitar to every song.
“Her Strut” was really strong.
“Betty Lou’s Getting Out Tonight” is another favorite and was the best song of the night up to this point. I was immediately transported back to a memory in high school when Tim O'Brien heard the song for the first time when I was driving around and it didn't leave his head for days.
“We’ve Got Tonight” followed and then the classic “Turn the Page” was actually haunting as the opening sax sent chills down my neck.
“Sunspot Baby” became a sing-a-long with the crowd as they were very engaged at this point.
“Katmandu” ended a very strong 2nd set. It was very clear to me how much Bob really enjoys performing on stage during the entire second set.
The encores were very strong. “Against the Wind” may be my favorite Seger song and it was majestic. The second verse in particular stuck with me tonight.
“Hollywood Nights” was quite awesome.
“Night Moves” was nice.
“Rock and Roll Never Forgets” closed the night and was a powerful anthem, much more so considering how badly the show started. It was actually one of the best closers I've seen outside of a Springsteen show.
His performance was 2 hours and 20 minutes. The lady next to me took some photos I hope to post here after Sunday.
11/17/2011 – Yum! Center
1. Roll me away
2. Trying to live my life w/o you
3. Fire down below
4. Mainstreet
5. Old Time Rock and Roll
6. Little Drummer Boy
7. Ramblin' Gamblin' Man
8. Long Twin Silver Line
9. Hey Hey Going Back to Birmingham
10. Travelin' Man
11. Beautiful Loser
12. Nutbush City Limits
13. Come to Poppa
14. Her Strut
15. Betty Lou’s Getting Out Tonight
16. We've got tonight
17. Turn the Page
18. Sunspot Baby
19. Katmandu
20. Against the Wind
21. Hollywood Nights
22. Night Moves
23. Rock and Roll Never Forgets
Monday, October 17, 2011
A Day at the Races
It was last Monday that I received an email message from my friend Erin.
Hey Bryon,
We are going to Keeneland in Lexington on Friday, Oct 14 for the horse races. The kids have the day off from school and we are taking my parents. I thought maybe you might like to join us.
Erin
What a great idea, I thought! I am behind in getting off my ass in my plan to do new things and a trip to a horse track is something I have never done outside of The Kentucky Derby (which should be on everyone's list if you have never done it.)
I knew Keeneland was the home of The Bluegrass Stakes, but what I learned was Keeneland was rated the #1 thoroughbred track in the country in 2009 and is a National Historic Landmark. It is definitely one place everyone should visit at some point in their life.
Friday was an absolute beautiful day to be at the track. It was partly sunny and 68 degrees. I even felt like I had a slight sunburn on my face sitting out all day in the sun.
Keeneland is very small when comparing it to Churchill Downs and the folks there really dress up for the track. It was also college day and there were a lot of lovely young ladies at the track wearing their dresses.
I met up with Aaron and Erin at the track. They had two of their daughters with them and I got to see Erin's mom and dad for the first time in 20+ years.
Through a "connection," Aaron acquired some "hot tips" and we had a plan for how we'd approach the races.
The first race showed promise as we both hit the winner and the exacta! Woo-hoo!
Turns out that was the only winners he and I had. :(
Erin, however, bet only one race - she played a 10 cent Superfecta, boxed it and won $36.00! :D
It was all good, I got to hang with friends I don't get to see all that often, plus I got to meet her mom and dad again.
They did not initially remember me. In 1989, I was a renter in their apartment up on Irving Avenue in throwing distance of Kramer's and next to Domino's. It was this same apartment where we hosted Erin's infamous 21st birthday party
I had this roommate - Ivan. I have to call him Ivan because he gets mad when I use his given name of Chris Wettle. I just hoped Mr. and Mrs. Duffy didn't remember that I was one of the boys there because Ivan had this cat named Fred who tore the hell up out of the carpet one night.
When I introduced myself, Mr. Duffy asked if he knew me.
"I went to school with Erin at Dayton," I told him.
"Dad, he rented your apartment. He lived with Ivan. Remember Ivan? He was the one who had that cat."
It went from partly sunny to a shit storm really quickly because Erin knew what button to push to fire him up.
"I tell you what, you buy the nicest carpet you can for the tenant and then somebody brings a cat into the apartment!"
"It was Ivan's cat," I quickly blurted out. Yes, all those years ago I agreed to put up with a cat (even though it was a big mistake because my allergies had gotten really bad all those years ago) and here I was, finding myself 22 years later, throwing my friend under the bus.
"Well, why didn't you kick his ass? Couldn't you have done that?"
"There was never a question of that," I assured him with a smile.
He then started telling me the story of some other tenants from a few years later that broke a window at one of his apartments and I was glad when the story changed, shifting the story away from me.
The day went on without a hitch otherwise and it was just a terrific day to be outside.
I came home and later called Ivan to tell him I threw him under the bus.
"Hey! It's Bryon. What are you doing?"
"Watching propaganda with my daughter." Yes, he really said this. You have to know him to appreciate his dry sense of humor. His daughter had to write a paper on "Supersize Me" for Health.
"I threw you under the bus today."
"Oh?"
I told him the story of meeting up with the Duffy's at Keeneland he he laughed. He assured me it was OK and told me Mr. Duffy had a lot more reasons than just the cat to dislike him.
The next morning I got a text from Erin thanking me for coming out to Keeneland.
I responded, thanking her for the invite and for her letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak.
My phone rang 20 seconds later and Erin was laughing.
"Bryon, you don't understand! The story about the cat is my dad's favorite story! He has told that story 300 times over the last 20 years! He loves telling that story! Oh my God, I am as guilty as you two because I knew there was a cat and I never told him!"
She totally egged him on and purposely fired him up!
So, not only did I have a great day seeing friends, but I learned I am part of someone's favorite story to be gruff about. :)
Hey Bryon,
We are going to Keeneland in Lexington on Friday, Oct 14 for the horse races. The kids have the day off from school and we are taking my parents. I thought maybe you might like to join us.
Erin
What a great idea, I thought! I am behind in getting off my ass in my plan to do new things and a trip to a horse track is something I have never done outside of The Kentucky Derby (which should be on everyone's list if you have never done it.)
I knew Keeneland was the home of The Bluegrass Stakes, but what I learned was Keeneland was rated the #1 thoroughbred track in the country in 2009 and is a National Historic Landmark. It is definitely one place everyone should visit at some point in their life.
Friday was an absolute beautiful day to be at the track. It was partly sunny and 68 degrees. I even felt like I had a slight sunburn on my face sitting out all day in the sun.
Keeneland is very small when comparing it to Churchill Downs and the folks there really dress up for the track. It was also college day and there were a lot of lovely young ladies at the track wearing their dresses.
I met up with Aaron and Erin at the track. They had two of their daughters with them and I got to see Erin's mom and dad for the first time in 20+ years.
Through a "connection," Aaron acquired some "hot tips" and we had a plan for how we'd approach the races.
The first race showed promise as we both hit the winner and the exacta! Woo-hoo!
Turns out that was the only winners he and I had. :(
Erin, however, bet only one race - she played a 10 cent Superfecta, boxed it and won $36.00! :D
It was all good, I got to hang with friends I don't get to see all that often, plus I got to meet her mom and dad again.
They did not initially remember me. In 1989, I was a renter in their apartment up on Irving Avenue in throwing distance of Kramer's and next to Domino's. It was this same apartment where we hosted Erin's infamous 21st birthday party
I had this roommate - Ivan. I have to call him Ivan because he gets mad when I use his given name of Chris Wettle. I just hoped Mr. and Mrs. Duffy didn't remember that I was one of the boys there because Ivan had this cat named Fred who tore the hell up out of the carpet one night.
When I introduced myself, Mr. Duffy asked if he knew me.
"I went to school with Erin at Dayton," I told him.
"Dad, he rented your apartment. He lived with Ivan. Remember Ivan? He was the one who had that cat."
It went from partly sunny to a shit storm really quickly because Erin knew what button to push to fire him up.
"I tell you what, you buy the nicest carpet you can for the tenant and then somebody brings a cat into the apartment!"
"It was Ivan's cat," I quickly blurted out. Yes, all those years ago I agreed to put up with a cat (even though it was a big mistake because my allergies had gotten really bad all those years ago) and here I was, finding myself 22 years later, throwing my friend under the bus.
"Well, why didn't you kick his ass? Couldn't you have done that?"
"There was never a question of that," I assured him with a smile.
He then started telling me the story of some other tenants from a few years later that broke a window at one of his apartments and I was glad when the story changed, shifting the story away from me.
The day went on without a hitch otherwise and it was just a terrific day to be outside.
I came home and later called Ivan to tell him I threw him under the bus.
"Hey! It's Bryon. What are you doing?"
"Watching propaganda with my daughter." Yes, he really said this. You have to know him to appreciate his dry sense of humor. His daughter had to write a paper on "Supersize Me" for Health.
"I threw you under the bus today."
"Oh?"
I told him the story of meeting up with the Duffy's at Keeneland he he laughed. He assured me it was OK and told me Mr. Duffy had a lot more reasons than just the cat to dislike him.
The next morning I got a text from Erin thanking me for coming out to Keeneland.
I responded, thanking her for the invite and for her letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak.
My phone rang 20 seconds later and Erin was laughing.
"Bryon, you don't understand! The story about the cat is my dad's favorite story! He has told that story 300 times over the last 20 years! He loves telling that story! Oh my God, I am as guilty as you two because I knew there was a cat and I never told him!"
She totally egged him on and purposely fired him up!
So, not only did I have a great day seeing friends, but I learned I am part of someone's favorite story to be gruff about. :)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Ten Years Later
I originally wasn't going to write something about today's anniversary. Ten years ago, I sat glued to the radio and television at work, just like everyone else, listening and watching the horror unfold on television.
I decided rather than try and put into words the emotions I felt from that day, I would write about my one trip to the World Trade Center with deepest thanks to two great friends.
It was just sixteen months earlier, in June 2000, I had visited new York to see the last seven shows of the Springsteen tour and I was invited to spend a weekend with Flynn and Claudine in Queens.
They are two wonderful friends that I met from the years of seeing shows and as it turned out, this weekend trip actually was a year in the making going back to when I was hanging in the New Jersey parking lot during the fifteen show stand when Bruce kicked off his US tour.
I happened to notice a woman (Liz) during a pre-show gathering that turned out to be a friend of Claudine's. Liz was attractive and I didn't know if she was part of our group or not at the time. I remember asking Flynn about her, who at some point said something to Claudine. Claudine had only nice things to say of her friend.
Fast forward to a year later, I think caught a ride after a show back to Queens with them and Claudine tells me how excited she was to have me meet her friend Liz! She told me the four of us were going out to dinner the next night. She was very excited to set me up with her friend.
I was caught off guard by this, a little uneasy, I guess. I'm an Ohio guy, so I had no idea what I would talk about with someone from New York. She was just someone I happened to notice from one night, a year earlier, and I knew nothing about her.
The highlight of the night which included getting a tour of New York with Claudine driving like someone from the movie "Bullitt," was dinner at the base of the World Trade Center. It was a Chinese restaurant and I recall it was good. It was impressive walking around down there, looking up at the sky, towards the top of the towers and it was a very nice evening as I recall. Liz worked either for a bank or an insurance company and she worked in the World Trade Center which was kind of fascinating to me.
Well the night ended, Liz and I really did not hit it off very well, but that was because of me. And it's likely not a surprise for those who do know me and can remember the first time you met me. :)
On that day, ten years ago, I remember emailing Claudine at some point that day, asking if she and Flynn were safe and asking about her friend. Kind of weird I guess, to be worried about someone I met only once, but she was a part of my only trip there. I found myself relieved that she had been running late and had not yet gone into the office that day.
Thanks to Flynn and Claudine, I got to see the Towers. I don't think I ever thanked them in the last ten years for that. Somehow, I overlooked it, but thanks to both of you for that night in my life.
I decided rather than try and put into words the emotions I felt from that day, I would write about my one trip to the World Trade Center with deepest thanks to two great friends.
It was just sixteen months earlier, in June 2000, I had visited new York to see the last seven shows of the Springsteen tour and I was invited to spend a weekend with Flynn and Claudine in Queens.
They are two wonderful friends that I met from the years of seeing shows and as it turned out, this weekend trip actually was a year in the making going back to when I was hanging in the New Jersey parking lot during the fifteen show stand when Bruce kicked off his US tour.
I happened to notice a woman (Liz) during a pre-show gathering that turned out to be a friend of Claudine's. Liz was attractive and I didn't know if she was part of our group or not at the time. I remember asking Flynn about her, who at some point said something to Claudine. Claudine had only nice things to say of her friend.
Fast forward to a year later, I think caught a ride after a show back to Queens with them and Claudine tells me how excited she was to have me meet her friend Liz! She told me the four of us were going out to dinner the next night. She was very excited to set me up with her friend.
I was caught off guard by this, a little uneasy, I guess. I'm an Ohio guy, so I had no idea what I would talk about with someone from New York. She was just someone I happened to notice from one night, a year earlier, and I knew nothing about her.
The highlight of the night which included getting a tour of New York with Claudine driving like someone from the movie "Bullitt," was dinner at the base of the World Trade Center. It was a Chinese restaurant and I recall it was good. It was impressive walking around down there, looking up at the sky, towards the top of the towers and it was a very nice evening as I recall. Liz worked either for a bank or an insurance company and she worked in the World Trade Center which was kind of fascinating to me.
Well the night ended, Liz and I really did not hit it off very well, but that was because of me. And it's likely not a surprise for those who do know me and can remember the first time you met me. :)
On that day, ten years ago, I remember emailing Claudine at some point that day, asking if she and Flynn were safe and asking about her friend. Kind of weird I guess, to be worried about someone I met only once, but she was a part of my only trip there. I found myself relieved that she had been running late and had not yet gone into the office that day.
Thanks to Flynn and Claudine, I got to see the Towers. I don't think I ever thanked them in the last ten years for that. Somehow, I overlooked it, but thanks to both of you for that night in my life.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Lord, I am Old...
It's 3:30 AM in the morning. Grammatical errors do not count after 1:30 AM as I recall.
When I was in college, my friend Ivan (I have to call him that because he gets pissed when I use his given name of Chris Wettle) got me to go see a local band called Government Cheese. For the next 3 years we saw them anywhere from 8 to 12 times at venues like Tewligans and the UD Pub. They were an interesting mix. They had roots in punk, country and rock and roll. Their albums were good, but it was their live shows that were phenomenal.
I often have said, as have others, they are one of the best bands you have never heard of.
It had been 20 years since I saw the boys play and they tore through a set of 38(!) songs tonight that made me feel all 42 years. They were on stage for just over 3 hours, excluding breaks. I am going to feel it tomorrow....
The venue, Headliner's Music Hall, is a hole in the wall with the hardest concrete floor I have ever stood on. It's reminiscent of Columbus's Newport or Cincinnati's Bogart's.
We waited patiently as the band was strolling through the crowd outside and in the hall talking to family and friends. They came out and launched through their first set playing all original music that focused on lead singer Skot Willis's vocals.
For me the setlist was very strong, but the performance was hit and miss. Some songs were noticeably slower than I remember from 20 years ago, but then again, I am noticeably slower than I was 20 years ago.
This was a band where you listen to the album version of "Before the Battered/Rap For the Battered" and it was a throwaway, but if you saw it live, it was incredible. It was one of the biggest highlights of the night tonight along with a faster version of "No Sleeping at Penn Station" in the first set.
The second set focused on Tommy's vocals and a few songs with Billy's lead vocals. It was highlighted early by an intense "Yellow Cling Peaches," "Sunday Driver," "Cattleprod," and the wonderful "The Shrubbery's Dead (Where Danny Used to Fall.)" And of course, the tongue in cheek "Kentucky Home," with huge apologies to Stephen Foster, was a crowd pleaser. Skot joking referred to it as the story of his life when introducing it.
And some songs missed for me by being played at a slower tempo like "C'mon Back to Bowling Green" and the cover "People Who Died."
For me, I had never seen "Fishstick Day," so it was fun to see and hilarious to learn Tommy Womack wrote it while stoned in his apartment all those years ago (he tells it much better than I.)
Overall, it was quite enjoyable and I encourage anyone who's read this far and has the $20 to buy their 43 song anthology and if they reunite for another show, take the time to go see them.
1. Oh Yeah
2. Rebecca Whitmire
3. Stay With Me
4. Mammaw Drives the Bus
5. I Wanna Be a Man
6. This Life's For Me
7. No Sleeping at Penn Station
8. A Little Bit of Sex
9. Growing Up to Stand Still
10. Fall In Love With You
11. Before the Battered/Rap for the Battered
12. Face to Face
13. The Yuppie is Dead/Nothing Feels Good (featuring the first stage dive by Skot)
14. I Can't Help Myself (cover - Jason and the Scorchers)
(27 minute break)>
15. Single
16. Yellow Cling Peaches
17. Camping on Acid
18. Alpha Male (Tommy Womack solo song)
19. Sunday Driver
20. I Can't Make You Love Me
21. Inside of You
22. Somewhere Between
23. Cattleprod
24. American Band (cover - Grand Funk Railroad)
25. It's Too Late
26. The Shrubbery's Dead (Where Danny Used to Fall)
27. C'mon Back to Bowling Green and Marry Me
28. Fishstick Day
29. Kentucky Home
30. Janie Jones (cover - The Clash)
31. Search and Destroy (cover - Stooges) - two stage dives by Skot
(Encores)
32. The KKK Took My Baby Away
33. Bathtub, She Asked
34. Folsom Prison Blues (cover - Johnny Cash)
35. (Song I did not recognize, I think it was a cover)
36. Pretty Vacant (cover - Sex Pistols)
37. Life During Wartime (cover - Talking Heads)
38. Skinny and Small -> People Who Died (cover - Jim Carroll Band)
When I was in college, my friend Ivan (I have to call him that because he gets pissed when I use his given name of Chris Wettle) got me to go see a local band called Government Cheese. For the next 3 years we saw them anywhere from 8 to 12 times at venues like Tewligans and the UD Pub. They were an interesting mix. They had roots in punk, country and rock and roll. Their albums were good, but it was their live shows that were phenomenal.
I often have said, as have others, they are one of the best bands you have never heard of.
It had been 20 years since I saw the boys play and they tore through a set of 38(!) songs tonight that made me feel all 42 years. They were on stage for just over 3 hours, excluding breaks. I am going to feel it tomorrow....
The venue, Headliner's Music Hall, is a hole in the wall with the hardest concrete floor I have ever stood on. It's reminiscent of Columbus's Newport or Cincinnati's Bogart's.
We waited patiently as the band was strolling through the crowd outside and in the hall talking to family and friends. They came out and launched through their first set playing all original music that focused on lead singer Skot Willis's vocals.
For me the setlist was very strong, but the performance was hit and miss. Some songs were noticeably slower than I remember from 20 years ago, but then again, I am noticeably slower than I was 20 years ago.
This was a band where you listen to the album version of "Before the Battered/Rap For the Battered" and it was a throwaway, but if you saw it live, it was incredible. It was one of the biggest highlights of the night tonight along with a faster version of "No Sleeping at Penn Station" in the first set.
The second set focused on Tommy's vocals and a few songs with Billy's lead vocals. It was highlighted early by an intense "Yellow Cling Peaches," "Sunday Driver," "Cattleprod," and the wonderful "The Shrubbery's Dead (Where Danny Used to Fall.)" And of course, the tongue in cheek "Kentucky Home," with huge apologies to Stephen Foster, was a crowd pleaser. Skot joking referred to it as the story of his life when introducing it.
And some songs missed for me by being played at a slower tempo like "C'mon Back to Bowling Green" and the cover "People Who Died."
For me, I had never seen "Fishstick Day," so it was fun to see and hilarious to learn Tommy Womack wrote it while stoned in his apartment all those years ago (he tells it much better than I.)
Overall, it was quite enjoyable and I encourage anyone who's read this far and has the $20 to buy their 43 song anthology and if they reunite for another show, take the time to go see them.
1. Oh Yeah
2. Rebecca Whitmire
3. Stay With Me
4. Mammaw Drives the Bus
5. I Wanna Be a Man
6. This Life's For Me
7. No Sleeping at Penn Station
8. A Little Bit of Sex
9. Growing Up to Stand Still
10. Fall In Love With You
11. Before the Battered/Rap for the Battered
12. Face to Face
13. The Yuppie is Dead/Nothing Feels Good (featuring the first stage dive by Skot)
14. I Can't Help Myself (cover - Jason and the Scorchers)
(27 minute break)>
15. Single
16. Yellow Cling Peaches
17. Camping on Acid
18. Alpha Male (Tommy Womack solo song)
19. Sunday Driver
20. I Can't Make You Love Me
21. Inside of You
22. Somewhere Between
23. Cattleprod
24. American Band (cover - Grand Funk Railroad)
25. It's Too Late
26. The Shrubbery's Dead (Where Danny Used to Fall)
27. C'mon Back to Bowling Green and Marry Me
28. Fishstick Day
29. Kentucky Home
30. Janie Jones (cover - The Clash)
31. Search and Destroy (cover - Stooges) - two stage dives by Skot
(Encores)
32. The KKK Took My Baby Away
33. Bathtub, She Asked
34. Folsom Prison Blues (cover - Johnny Cash)
35. (Song I did not recognize, I think it was a cover)
36. Pretty Vacant (cover - Sex Pistols)
37. Life During Wartime (cover - Talking Heads)
38. Skinny and Small -> People Who Died (cover - Jim Carroll Band)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Nicolas Cage Must Die
For years, moviegoers have been tricked into think Nicolas Cage was a good actor. Despite years and years of bad movies and bad roles, Hollywood has somehow continued to think that he is a bona fide star.
It's inexplicable to me and I have railed on his lack of acting abilities for years.
So when my sister and the kids visited in 2005, my sister decided to razz me about my hatred for all things related to Nicolas Cage.
Madison was so excited whenever I visited. She was especially excited to watch a movie with me. This goes back to our adventure of watching "Mighty Joe Young."
"Uncle Bryon!" she squealed. "Do you want to watch 'National Treasure?'"
"Uh, no, Madison. I hate Nicolas Cage."
"But mom says you love him!"
My jaw dropped open in surprise. She knew better than that.
"No! Your mom is lying! I hate Nicolas Cage! He's terrible!"
"But mom says you love him!"
"I hate him and do not want to watch this movie." I saw they also had "The Incredibles." "Let's watch this instead!"
"But mom says you like Nicolas Cage!"
"Madison, she is teasing you! I don't like him."
Madison ran from the family room to the kitchen where Stacy was sitting. She was cracking up.
"Mom! Uncle Bryon says he doesn't like Nicolas Cage!"
Stacy laughs and says, "He LOVES Nicolas Cage! He's just teasing you."
I was ready to kill her.
Madison came running in again and pleaded that I do love Nicolas Cage, so we should watch it. She was in tears at this point because she wanted to watch the movie with Uncle Bryon.
Being the great uncle I am, I responded, "Stop lying Stacy!" She just laughed at me even harder, knowing she sentenced me to two hours of watching a mannequin with an expression of "Duh" on his face. To say his expression on his face looks dumber than a box of rocks is an insult to rocks.
I pleaded with Madison that I really hated him and she just cried harder. She really wanted me to watch the movie with her.
So, I did.
At least Julia Roberts wasn't in it. Same for Vince Vaughn.
The story and adventure weren't too bad, but it would've been so much better with someone else, like a soiled sock puppet missing an eye, playing the lead.
It's inexplicable to me and I have railed on his lack of acting abilities for years.
So when my sister and the kids visited in 2005, my sister decided to razz me about my hatred for all things related to Nicolas Cage.
Madison was so excited whenever I visited. She was especially excited to watch a movie with me. This goes back to our adventure of watching "Mighty Joe Young."
"Uncle Bryon!" she squealed. "Do you want to watch 'National Treasure?'"
"Uh, no, Madison. I hate Nicolas Cage."
"But mom says you love him!"
My jaw dropped open in surprise. She knew better than that.
"No! Your mom is lying! I hate Nicolas Cage! He's terrible!"
"But mom says you love him!"
"I hate him and do not want to watch this movie." I saw they also had "The Incredibles." "Let's watch this instead!"
"But mom says you like Nicolas Cage!"
"Madison, she is teasing you! I don't like him."
Madison ran from the family room to the kitchen where Stacy was sitting. She was cracking up.
"Mom! Uncle Bryon says he doesn't like Nicolas Cage!"
Stacy laughs and says, "He LOVES Nicolas Cage! He's just teasing you."
I was ready to kill her.
Madison came running in again and pleaded that I do love Nicolas Cage, so we should watch it. She was in tears at this point because she wanted to watch the movie with Uncle Bryon.
I pleaded with Madison that I really hated him and she just cried harder. She really wanted me to watch the movie with her.
So, I did.
At least Julia Roberts wasn't in it. Same for Vince Vaughn.
The story and adventure weren't too bad, but it would've been so much better with someone else, like a soiled sock puppet missing an eye, playing the lead.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Does This Bus Stop at 82nd Street?
After I completed a certification test on 5/15, I walked next door to my cousin's office building to tell him I passed. I love getting the results back immediately in this day and age.
As I walked in, a large lady standing at the doorway asks me, "You retard?"
That's a weird question, not to mention it's not very nice, so I stopped and thought out what she said. My first thought went to Magenta who keeps hitting me every time I use that word. It's not my fault though. My coworker Kristy uses it at least once a week and I've picked up on it.
After some more thought, I concluded she asked, "You retired?" That made more sense as I was rather disheveled and had not shaved for several days. I was actually looking quite ragged and it made sense that I looked like I wasn't working. I always get that way before a big test; during both my undergraduate days and my recent masters program.
I responded, "Huh?" Not sure why that was my reaction as this entire course of thought occurred in about three seconds. I was thinking in my head, "No, I work for a living. I'm not retired."
She then spoke slowly and clearly without the Kentucky accent that seems so foreign to my ears after 22 years in exile.
"You with TARC?" TARC stand for Transit Authority of River City. She thought I looked like a city bus driver. I must've looked even worse than I thought!
She then started complaining to me because she was " ... tired of waiting for the #$%^ing bus." For an older, heavy lady, she swore like a sailor.
"No, I don't work for TARC." I walked away.
Fifteen minutes later, I am back in the lobby with my dad's cousin and she was still waiting for the bus. I loudly said goodbye to him and told him to be careful driving the bus and I walked out before he had a chance to ask me what I was talking about.
Maybe you had to be there?
As I walked in, a large lady standing at the doorway asks me, "You retard?"
That's a weird question, not to mention it's not very nice, so I stopped and thought out what she said. My first thought went to Magenta who keeps hitting me every time I use that word. It's not my fault though. My coworker Kristy uses it at least once a week and I've picked up on it.
After some more thought, I concluded she asked, "You retired?" That made more sense as I was rather disheveled and had not shaved for several days. I was actually looking quite ragged and it made sense that I looked like I wasn't working. I always get that way before a big test; during both my undergraduate days and my recent masters program.
I responded, "Huh?" Not sure why that was my reaction as this entire course of thought occurred in about three seconds. I was thinking in my head, "No, I work for a living. I'm not retired."
She then spoke slowly and clearly without the Kentucky accent that seems so foreign to my ears after 22 years in exile.
"You with TARC?" TARC stand for Transit Authority of River City. She thought I looked like a city bus driver. I must've looked even worse than I thought!
She then started complaining to me because she was " ... tired of waiting for the #$%^ing bus." For an older, heavy lady, she swore like a sailor.
"No, I don't work for TARC." I walked away.
Fifteen minutes later, I am back in the lobby with my dad's cousin and she was still waiting for the bus. I loudly said goodbye to him and told him to be careful driving the bus and I walked out before he had a chance to ask me what I was talking about.
Maybe you had to be there?
Saturday, April 23, 2011
McIdiots
It's a growing trend. When I walk into a fast food restaurant, the bottleneck is no longer the slow service the bottleneck is the customers.
There are three types of McIdiots I have observed in the wild.
Unus Magnus Plumbeus (One Largely Stupid Person)
There is no reason whatsoever that a grown adult needs three minutes to place an order for breakfast at McDonald's. The menu itself seldom changes year to year. Is it really that complex of a question - "What do you want for breakfast?"
One McIdiot can make ten people run late because they stand there hemming and hawing over what to order. Three McIdiots in the same line can actually have economic ramifications making twenty people late for work causing a $300 drop in productive work for that city.
I wondered if this person was an illegal alien from someplace that did not have a McDonald's thus the confusion. If Arizona implemented a "Take a traffic stop to McDonald's test" to see how long it took a perp to order to determine their citizenship, would the federal government block it as well?
Unus Magnus Plumbeus Abbas (One Largely Stupid Parent)
I went into Wendy's a week ago and stood there while a father passed down to his son the McIdiot gene. Four minutes asking the brat what he wanted. Get out of the way McIdiot! You are holding up those of us who can place orders in under twenty seconds. Order for your kid or ask him before you get there! Is it rocket science here? No!!!!
Duo Plumbeus Feminas (Two Stupid Women)
It wasn't enough that I was waiting in line for 15 minutes to get food, but I heard the inane chatter of two particular women the entire time. Everyone else was silent and I think they were plotting how to kill these two chatterboxes. They were ahead of me and when it became their turn one of these McIdiots actually said, "Hmmmm. What do I want?"
What does she mean? She's been in line for 15 minutes and she has no frakking clue what she wants? She should lose her place in line and go to the end or be drawn and quartered for adding to our wait time.
Demand McIdiots get out of your way. It's time to take back out fast food restaurants. Just don't start the fight with a pregnant McIdiot as my friend Patty once did.
This particular McIdiot took exception to Patty telling her to hurry up while trying to wrangle the three kids running around. She got in Patty's face to get off her back and about how she was probably the most educated person in that restaurant, so Patty needed to back off.
Patty pointed out that apparently that education did not include knowing how to read a frakking menu and it went downhill from there. Even though Patty was in the right, public sentiment seems to side with the child carrying McIdiot now matter what kind of idiot she is.
There are three types of McIdiots I have observed in the wild.
Unus Magnus Plumbeus (One Largely Stupid Person)
There is no reason whatsoever that a grown adult needs three minutes to place an order for breakfast at McDonald's. The menu itself seldom changes year to year. Is it really that complex of a question - "What do you want for breakfast?"
One McIdiot can make ten people run late because they stand there hemming and hawing over what to order. Three McIdiots in the same line can actually have economic ramifications making twenty people late for work causing a $300 drop in productive work for that city.
I wondered if this person was an illegal alien from someplace that did not have a McDonald's thus the confusion. If Arizona implemented a "Take a traffic stop to McDonald's test" to see how long it took a perp to order to determine their citizenship, would the federal government block it as well?
Unus Magnus Plumbeus Abbas (One Largely Stupid Parent)
I went into Wendy's a week ago and stood there while a father passed down to his son the McIdiot gene. Four minutes asking the brat what he wanted. Get out of the way McIdiot! You are holding up those of us who can place orders in under twenty seconds. Order for your kid or ask him before you get there! Is it rocket science here? No!!!!
Duo Plumbeus Feminas (Two Stupid Women)
It wasn't enough that I was waiting in line for 15 minutes to get food, but I heard the inane chatter of two particular women the entire time. Everyone else was silent and I think they were plotting how to kill these two chatterboxes. They were ahead of me and when it became their turn one of these McIdiots actually said, "Hmmmm. What do I want?"
What does she mean? She's been in line for 15 minutes and she has no frakking clue what she wants? She should lose her place in line and go to the end or be drawn and quartered for adding to our wait time.
Demand McIdiots get out of your way. It's time to take back out fast food restaurants. Just don't start the fight with a pregnant McIdiot as my friend Patty once did.
This particular McIdiot took exception to Patty telling her to hurry up while trying to wrangle the three kids running around. She got in Patty's face to get off her back and about how she was probably the most educated person in that restaurant, so Patty needed to back off.
Patty pointed out that apparently that education did not include knowing how to read a frakking menu and it went downhill from there. Even though Patty was in the right, public sentiment seems to side with the child carrying McIdiot now matter what kind of idiot she is.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Trivia night at St. Joe's
My mom's family should have a reality show. I was hanging out with them last night at St. Joe's for a trivia night that included a near riot when there was a wrong answer and several beers consumed at our table.
Just the drive up was exciting on East Washington Street as five police cars apparently went into a house with guns drawn to pull out a perp. We just missed it by a few minutes judging from the scene.
We were only two beers into the night and had not even started the contest when my aunt started talking about a dolly which led into a discussion about blow up dolls somehow. I think if people met my family, they would see how a lot of my stories lead into other stories. Everyone in the family might have A.D.D. when it comes to story telling.
It led to a misunderstanding of someone thinking the church had a blow up doll over in the other corner.
"Why would they have a blow up doll at a Catholic church?" my Aunt Fifi asked.
"I don't know," answered Jeanne, "unless they like to dress her up as an altar boy."
***
The first riot of the night almost broke out in the third round because one of the questions had a wrong answer. The question was "What is the Eastern most Great Lakes State?" They said it was Ohio, but apparently Buffalo and their 500 inches of lake effect snow are not on a lake.
Oops. :)
***
"What is the lowest place in the Western Hemisphere?"
My aunt yelled out the name of the liquor store here in town owned by another aunt and uncle and that became a running joke the rest of the night.
***
"What is the tallest mammal in the world?"
"Not the Hanka's," yelled out Jeanne, referring to her husband's family.
"Where does Casey get his height?" I asked. My younger cousin Casey is about six foot two inches tall.
"From his real dad," she shot back without hesitation, cracking everyone up.
***
The second riot of the night occurred when the question asked "Who server two terms as both vice-president and then president from the Republican party?" The answer given was Richard Nixon, but the researcher apparently forgot about Watergate ending his second term as president short.
***
The big contest of the night though was which table in our family would win. We crushed the other table 62-42 out of 100 questions total in 10 categories.
Just the drive up was exciting on East Washington Street as five police cars apparently went into a house with guns drawn to pull out a perp. We just missed it by a few minutes judging from the scene.
We were only two beers into the night and had not even started the contest when my aunt started talking about a dolly which led into a discussion about blow up dolls somehow. I think if people met my family, they would see how a lot of my stories lead into other stories. Everyone in the family might have A.D.D. when it comes to story telling.
It led to a misunderstanding of someone thinking the church had a blow up doll over in the other corner.
"Why would they have a blow up doll at a Catholic church?" my Aunt Fifi asked.
"I don't know," answered Jeanne, "unless they like to dress her up as an altar boy."
***
The first riot of the night almost broke out in the third round because one of the questions had a wrong answer. The question was "What is the Eastern most Great Lakes State?" They said it was Ohio, but apparently Buffalo and their 500 inches of lake effect snow are not on a lake.
Oops. :)
***
"What is the lowest place in the Western Hemisphere?"
My aunt yelled out the name of the liquor store here in town owned by another aunt and uncle and that became a running joke the rest of the night.
***
"What is the tallest mammal in the world?"
"Not the Hanka's," yelled out Jeanne, referring to her husband's family.
"Where does Casey get his height?" I asked. My younger cousin Casey is about six foot two inches tall.
"From his real dad," she shot back without hesitation, cracking everyone up.
***
The second riot of the night occurred when the question asked "Who server two terms as both vice-president and then president from the Republican party?" The answer given was Richard Nixon, but the researcher apparently forgot about Watergate ending his second term as president short.
***
The big contest of the night though was which table in our family would win. We crushed the other table 62-42 out of 100 questions total in 10 categories.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Must be Tuesday
One of the things I disliked most about grad school was that participation was mandatory in class discussions. I'm a huge introvert to begin with and I can become flustered quite easily and it can be difficult to recover from.
In one of my early classes, participation was 10% of my grade. When the professor asked us who did their project a certain way, I did not actually expect her to ask me to come up and present to everyone in the class. I froze and went blank. I even displayed the wrong part of our project to begin with when I was up there and became quite flustered.
I mean, geez, I only raised my hand because I thought it was a poll. :/
Later in class she asked who did another aspect of their project in a certain way, I raised my hand not expecting the next question to be "Why?" Again, I was sitting there like a deer in headlights.
If not for that participation grade, I would have looked like much less of an idiot.
Later that night, I came home and removed my sweatshirt. To my surprise, my fly was down and I could only wonder if the rest of class noticed when I was in front of them or if my sweatshirt effectively covered it up.
I know ... TMI.
Some people would label this as their most embarrassing day ever.
I called it Tuesday.
In one of my early classes, participation was 10% of my grade. When the professor asked us who did their project a certain way, I did not actually expect her to ask me to come up and present to everyone in the class. I froze and went blank. I even displayed the wrong part of our project to begin with when I was up there and became quite flustered.
I mean, geez, I only raised my hand because I thought it was a poll. :/
Later in class she asked who did another aspect of their project in a certain way, I raised my hand not expecting the next question to be "Why?" Again, I was sitting there like a deer in headlights.If not for that participation grade, I would have looked like much less of an idiot.
Later that night, I came home and removed my sweatshirt. To my surprise, my fly was down and I could only wonder if the rest of class noticed when I was in front of them or if my sweatshirt effectively covered it up.
I know ... TMI.
Some people would label this as their most embarrassing day ever.
I called it Tuesday.
Monday, January 31, 2011
The Emotions of a Hairdryer
My mom has a very emotional hairdryer and it has three distinct moods.
Come to think of it, my ex-girlfriends have three distinct moods...
Happy!
Perplexed!
Really ANGRY!!!!
Come to think of it, my ex-girlfriends have three distinct moods...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Hello Peaches!
One of the great icons of Highview, Ky, is still around!
I went up to the store to get some cream cheese and I remembered a conversation from a few days ago about the nieces and nephews occasionally asking mom how Peaches was doing.
I popped into the store and there, in the same spot, suspended from the ceiling was Peaches!
I was talking with the lady and I was stunned to learn after these years that Peaches is a boy! All these years, we referred to Peaches as a girl.
He's a very large and beautiful cockatoo that has been around since the store opened in 1979. They can only estimate his age at 31, but he may live to be 75 or 100!
The lady working the store mentioned what a curmudgeon he was being this morning as he would not allow her into the cage to clean it out. That's surprising to me as he adored the attention from kids and would always lean his feathery top against the bars so kids could scratch his head.
I tried to prompt him to talk. "Hello Peaches," I said to him. He stared at me blankly.
Back in the day, you could not shut him up. I swear to this day, in 8th grade as I stood there with Mike Baker and either my sister or his sister, Peaches fell off his perch, hit the bottom of the cage and said "God Damn!"
He's a very intelligent bird.
I told her the store had changed a lot. At one time, there were metal shelves that had holes in the back, similar to peg board, and Peaches would stretch his claw and grab it. With the other claw on the perch, he could pull the suspended cage over a few inches until it touched the shelves and then he'd let go so the entire cage would swing!
Apparently they have to have everything out of reach because if Peaches gets ahold of it at night, he'll go nuts and have it shredded by morning. Peaches is the original party animal.
Peaches was not very talkative until I was leaving. After losing my attention, he called out "Hi Peaches," four or five times as I was walking out the door.
I went up to the store to get some cream cheese and I remembered a conversation from a few days ago about the nieces and nephews occasionally asking mom how Peaches was doing.
I popped into the store and there, in the same spot, suspended from the ceiling was Peaches!
He's a very large and beautiful cockatoo that has been around since the store opened in 1979. They can only estimate his age at 31, but he may live to be 75 or 100!
The lady working the store mentioned what a curmudgeon he was being this morning as he would not allow her into the cage to clean it out. That's surprising to me as he adored the attention from kids and would always lean his feathery top against the bars so kids could scratch his head.
I tried to prompt him to talk. "Hello Peaches," I said to him. He stared at me blankly.
Back in the day, you could not shut him up. I swear to this day, in 8th grade as I stood there with Mike Baker and either my sister or his sister, Peaches fell off his perch, hit the bottom of the cage and said "God Damn!"
He's a very intelligent bird.
Apparently they have to have everything out of reach because if Peaches gets ahold of it at night, he'll go nuts and have it shredded by morning. Peaches is the original party animal.
Peaches was not very talkative until I was leaving. After losing my attention, he called out "Hi Peaches," four or five times as I was walking out the door.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Auto-correct amuses me
After watching the Louisville Cardinals destroy St. John's tonight, I headed home and had text messages at the red lights with Dan who attended the game. This is my conversation with Dan over a 20 minute span. Matt pointed me to a site with these type of autocorrects, but I didn't know how to submit it.
Autocorrect amuses me.
Dan: "I think we covered the spread! Old Chicago Time!"
Bryon: "U heading there now?"
Dan: "Yea, but it'll take forever to get there from here with traffic. Richard is going after work I think."
Bryon: "I am heading home."
Dan: "Cmon old man almost there. Richard comin around 11 and 2 friends with me now."
Bryon: "Richard replied with a question. If he's coming, it's news to him. :)"
Dan: "I've been texting he is coming for a couple"
Bryon: "He said, tonight?"
Dan: "Yessir! Pullin in now"
Bryon: "When the f*** else did I mean? 5/17/2016?"
Dan: "Polio"
Dan: "Kikoi"
Bryon: "Autocorrect?"
Dan: "Yes to lolol twice"
Autocorrect amuses me.
Dan: "I think we covered the spread! Old Chicago Time!"
Bryon: "U heading there now?"
Dan: "Yea, but it'll take forever to get there from here with traffic. Richard is going after work I think."
Bryon: "I am heading home."
Dan: "Cmon old man almost there. Richard comin around 11 and 2 friends with me now."
Bryon: "Richard replied with a question. If he's coming, it's news to him. :)"
Dan: "I've been texting he is coming for a couple"
Bryon: "He said, tonight?"
Dan: "Yessir! Pullin in now"
Bryon: "When the f*** else did I mean? 5/17/2016?"
Dan: "Polio"
Dan: "Kikoi"
Bryon: "Autocorrect?"
Dan: "Yes to lolol twice"
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