Judge blocks President Obama's Moratorium on Elephant Ears

In a victory for elephant ear proponents, a federal judge struck down President Obama's six-month moratorium on elephant ears.

The White House has promised an appeal.  The President has also mentioned his plan to appoint an Elephant Ear Czar to nationalize the creation of elephant ears across the country.

The Interior Department originally halted new permits for elephant ear stands at state fairs across the country, on the grounds that they are breaking the backs of the people on main street by selling expensive, sweet treats for higher profit margins than even wall street or oil companies can make.

"We must stop these evil people from profiting at higher margins than everyone else," said the President.  "Profits lead to the economy moving, that leads to higher taxes paid as the economy picks up and that leads to the Dark Side of the free market working!  We cannot allow a free market to prosper!"

Henry Stoops, recently back from the Marshfield Fair had this to say:

"A Sausage sandwich w/ peppers and onions cost four dollars, while a piece of fried dough costs $5.  FIVE dollars!!! For a quarter's worth of dough that's been fried in a nickel's worth of hot oil, then drizzled with a dime's worth of butter and sprinkled with 3 pennies worth of powdered sugar and cinnamon.  The president has to do something about this!"

Said liberal Sue Wells, "Oh my God!  These people are making money and they like it!  They must be evil Tea Party people or Republicans!"

A rally is being planned to protest the elephant ear stand across the nation during the state fairs that run during the summer.

Said Republican Senator Mitch McConnell, "God dammit, they better not take away elephant ears!  I love to have that fried dough at our fine Kentucky State Fair."

The leading opponent of the elephant ears, Nancy Pelosi, chimed in:

"Some things we can do on the side which may not fit into a bigger plan. That doesn't mean that is a substitute for doing comprehensive elephant ear reform. It means we will move on many fronts, any front we can...We will block the gate. If the gate is open, we will put up a fence. If the fence is climbed, we will put an invisible force field around it. If that doesn't work, we will use a Jedi mind trick and tell them this is not the elephant ear they are looking for. But we are going to get elephant ear reform passed."

It won't turn off

Stacy had packed up the house in Arkansas and was soon to move to Louisville for a few months before moving on to Florida. Avery was three years old at the time when she walked into the kitchen while Stacy was on the phone.

She walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door. After about 15 seconds of standing there, Stacy told her, "Avery, shut the door."

Avery shut the door and stood there. She reached up and reopened it.

"Shut the door Avery. The refrigerator is not a toy!" Poor girl did not have any toys to play with as they were all packed up for the move, thought Stacy.

Avery stood there for a few more moments and re-opened the door.

Stacy stopped her phone conversation and walked around boxes over to her daughter. "Avery! Shut the door!"

"Mommy!" yelled back Avery as she pointed to the lightbulb in the refrigerator, "It won't turn off!"

It really bothered her to think the light was still on when the door was shut.

Calvin and Madison's Reign of Terror

Grandma used to watch Calvin and Madison often when Stacy was living in Louisville during her first marriage. Richard worked nights so if the kids slept in the afternoon when he was taking a nap they tended to stay up late.

Grandma was having all sorts of problems as a result getting the kids to sleep.

One night Stacy was out of town, Richard was working that night and grandma had to get up early the next day to go to work herself, when watching these two reached a breaking point.

She went back there several times as they were jumping on the bed rather than going to sleep. She finally threatened to whip them if they didn't lay down.

When she went back there again, she could see Madison jumping on the bed. Once Maddie saw her, she literally laid flat in mid air and landed on her back by the time grandma stepped into the door. Grandma had no idea a two year old could jump so high.

The next time grandma had gone back after hearing a noise, the door was shut and she had not shut the door. She left it ajar so they could see the light from the hallway shine in.

She could hear them laughing and giggling from behind the door, but as she tried to open it, they had locked it.

"Let me in! Open the door"  I can only imagine she sounded like the big bad wolf.

"No!" Lots of laughing and giggling ensued from behind the door by the two little pigs.

Grabbing a toothpick to open the door, she heard the lock pop and she still could not open the door because they pushed a bunch of moving boxes, a night table and a bed up against the door. Again, they were aged four and two.

Finally she forced the door open and the reign of terror ended.

They were up to 1:00 AM.

She told Stacy the next day that Richard had to stop giving them naps.

As it turned out, Richard had not let the kids nap that day, so the explanation for their bouncing off the walls was something else.

Come to find out, grandma was giving the kids antihistamine for allergies, they had runny noses, and that is what had them bouncing off the walls.