News from around Fern Creek

It was an exciting week this week in Fern Creek.

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I received news this week from Uncle Dewaine that he has taken over the publishing and editorials of Buzzardbait, Kentucky's newspaper, The Curious Urinal.  Looks like that 8th grade diploma has taken him to new heights.  Dewaine was really excited because it moves him into the top ten celebrities in Buzzardbait for the first time.  He sits behind other notables as Mayor Ted Sizemore and Haggerty's bleeding scarecrow.  Dewaine hopes to use his new status to spread awareness of Pink Eye.

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In Fern Creek, local mail room worker Happy Johnson was truly disappointed upon learning that the new claims examiner at Floyds Fork Insurance was not actually a redhead.

"When I first saw her, she looked really cute," he said, "but once I found out it was really brown, she looked a lot less cute."

Amanda Dearborn-Graves was also overheard in conversation with Happy, "She doesn't have red hair? Really?"

The news has shaken the various employees in Grigsby's Business buiding on Bardstown Road. Dr. Robert Johnson has stopped saying "Good Morning" to her once he realized she had brown hair. "With brown hair, she looks just like every other woman in the city."

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Southbound Bardstown Road has reopened South of Seatonville Road. It was closed earlier this morning when a bull broke loose from a local farm and tried to mount a 1976 VW bug. When the passenger emerged from the bug, the bull thought it was a calf and then tried to kill it.

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Here's this week's church bulletin from St. Sorrows Catholic church.

On Saturday, Andrea Johnson was baptized and brought into our church.

On Sunday, Ezra Johnson passed away. Viewing is on Monday and his burial is to be held on Tuesday. His soul will enter Heaven on Friday provided his family pays the stipend to the church to forgive his various sins.

Father O'Malley will be interviewing new alter boys for Sunday Mass on Friday when the protection order expires.

The Cub Scouts are having a newspaper drive. Money will be use to help cripple children.