Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Open mouth, insert foot
I have a tendency to get myself in trouble with my mouth. Sometimes I say inappropriate things that hurts someone's feelings without thinking first. Sometimes it's completely innocent as I am speaking without knowing all the facts. It's those moments I seem to specialize in and I am thankful that some people are very understanding of my innocence because my intention is not to hurt his or her feelings
I worked with Patti at a former company and she and I always got along. I interacted with her quite a bit late in my career there as she was in charge of the mail room and later the manager over the mail room and I was on the team that handled the imaging of all the incoming mail. I also worked with her a lot on 1099s as I handled that project for five years.
Patti's actually a very nice person, but I only knew her at a distance although there were a handful of times that she was at one of the bars after work that I would sometimes visit, so I really didn't know her well.
I tracked her down one day on the third floor and asked her if she had a few minutes to talk regarding something work related. It was around 3:00.
"It's got to be really quick," she told me, "I have to leave at 3:15 to take my cat to the vet."
"Oh," I said.
"Don't roll your eyes at me," she said.
It was not directed at her, but at pet owners in general.
"C'mon. You're one of those people," I said laughing. "I hear people all the time dote on their pets. Some people won't even take a vacation because poor little fluffy might miss them. I'm mean, c'mon ..."
"I'm having my cat put down," she stated flatly.
"Oh my God."
I felt horrible for teasing her about her doting on her cat. There was noting I could say and I may have been laughing, not at her having to put her pet down, but at how truly horrifying of a hole I dug myself into.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's OK," she told me. And thankfully, she meant it. We always got along and she never held a grudge against me for ragging on her. And if I had a clue, I would've just shut up and not said anything.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Judge blocks President Obama's Moratorium on Elephant Ears
The White House has promised an appeal. The President has also mentioned his plan to appoint an Elephant Ear Czar to nationalize the creation of elephant ears across the country.
The Interior Department originally halted new permits for elephant ear stands at state fairs across the country, on the grounds that they are breaking the backs of the people on main street by selling expensive, sweet treats for higher profit margins than even wall street or oil companies can make.
"We must stop these evil people from profiting at higher margins than everyone else," said the President. "Profits lead to the economy moving, that leads to higher taxes paid as the economy picks up and that leads to the Dark Side of the free market working! We cannot allow a free market to prosper!"
Henry Stoops, recently back from the Marshfield Fair had this to say:
"A Sausage sandwich w/ peppers and onions cost four dollars, while a piece of fried dough costs $5. FIVE dollars!!! For a quarter's worth of dough that's been fried in a nickel's worth of hot oil, then drizzled with a dime's worth of butter and sprinkled with 3 pennies worth of powdered sugar and cinnamon. The president has to do something about this!"
Said liberal Sue Wells, "Oh my God! These people are making money and they like it! They must be evil Tea Party people or Republicans!"
A rally is being planned to protest the elephant ear stand across the nation during the state fairs that run during the summer.
Said Republican Senator Mitch McConnell, "God dammit, they better not take away elephant ears! I love to have that fried dough at our fine Kentucky State Fair."
The leading opponent of the elephant ears, Nancy Pelosi, chimed in:
"Some things we can do on the side which may not fit into a bigger plan. That doesn't mean that is a substitute for doing comprehensive elephant ear reform. It means we will move on many fronts, any front we can...We will block the gate. If the gate is open, we will put up a fence. If the fence is climbed, we will put an invisible force field around it. If that doesn't work, we will use a Jedi mind trick and tell them this is not the elephant ear they are looking for. But we are going to get elephant ear reform passed."
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
It won't turn off
Stacy had packed up the house in Arkansas and was soon to move to Louisville for a few months before moving on to Florida. Avery was three years old at the time when she walked into the kitchen while Stacy was on the phone.
She walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door. After about 15 seconds of standing there, Stacy told her, "Avery, shut the door."
Avery shut the door and stood there. She reached up and reopened it.
"Shut the door Avery. The refrigerator is not a toy!" Poor girl did not have any toys to play with as they were all packed up for the move, thought Stacy.
Avery stood there for a few more moments and re-opened the door.
Stacy stopped her phone conversation and walked around boxes over to her daughter. "Avery! Shut the door!"
"Mommy!" yelled back Avery as she pointed to the lightbulb in the refrigerator, "It won't turn off!"
It really bothered her to think the light was still on when the door was shut.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Calvin and Madison's Reign of Terror
Grandma used to watch Calvin and Madison often when Stacy was living in Louisville during her first marriage. Richard worked nights so if the kids slept in the afternoon when he was taking a nap they tended to stay up late.
Grandma was having all sorts of problems as a result getting the kids to sleep.
One night Stacy was out of town, Richard was working that night and grandma had to get up early the next day to go to work herself, when watching these two reached a breaking point.
She went back there several times as they were jumping on the bed rather than going to sleep. She finally threatened to whip them if they didn't lay down.
When she went back there again, she could see Madison jumping on the bed. Once Maddie saw her, she literally laid flat in mid air and landed on her back by the time grandma stepped into the door. Grandma had no idea a two year old could jump so high.
The next time grandma had gone back after hearing a noise, the door was shut and she had not shut the door. She left it ajar so they could see the light from the hallway shine in.
She could hear them laughing and giggling from behind the door, but as she tried to open it, they had locked it.
"Let me in! Open the door" I can only imagine she sounded like the big bad wolf.
"No!" Lots of laughing and giggling ensued from behind the door by the two little pigs.
Grabbing a toothpick to open the door, she heard the lock pop and she still could not open the door because they pushed a bunch of moving boxes, a night table and a bed up against the door. Again, they were aged four and two.
Finally she forced the door open and the reign of terror ended.
They were up to 1:00 AM.
She told Stacy the next day that Richard had to stop giving them naps.
As it turned out, Richard had not let the kids nap that day, so the explanation for their bouncing off the walls was something else.
Come to find out, grandma was giving the kids antihistamine for allergies, they had runny noses, and that is what had them bouncing off the walls.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Milk Guy
Back in July 1994, I was really not pleased with the job that had moved me to Columbus. I had gotten a call from Ted about coming down to Vandalia and doing something with him and Chelle, so I jumped at the chance to get out of town for a night.
I had gone to college with both of them and I knew Ted really well. He was quite funny and quite obnoxious in college, but once he met Chelle, that seemed to change him a lot. As it was, I became decent friends with Chelle in college as well. By this time, a few years later, we were on good terms and she was not like a couple of the other girlfriends of my friends that did not seem to like me so much.
I pulled into the cul-de-sac and parked in front of the house. Chelle answered the door and invited me in.
"Can I get you something to drink?" she asked.
"What do you have?"
"We have water, iced tea, Diet Pepsi and milk. But, the milk expires today, so it's probably not any good."
"Actually," I answered, "that's just the date the store can't sell it after. It's probably still good for a couple days." I think I drank iced tea.
We were sitting out on the couch for about 15 minutes talking before Ted pulled in.
He walked into the house and she got up to greet him. These two were in love, their wedding was scheduled the next month, the day before or after my birthday as I recall.
After Ted said "Hi" to me and sat down, she offered to get him something to drink.
"What do we have?" he asked.
"We have water, iced tea, Diet Pepsi and milk. But, the milk expires today, so it's probably not any good." She may have said it verbatim to what she told me.
"Actually," Ted replied, "the milk's still good, they just can't sell it after that date."
Ted was from Jersey and Chelle was from Ohio. Even though they both spoke English (Ted was also fluent in Polish as well) sometimes things got lost in translation. Ted and Mike Ferrari were the first exposure for me of people from New Jersey. Ted sometimes could come across obnoxious and I don't think that was his intention to come across that way towards Shelley, but I think she took his tone to be talking down to her. The next year or so when I would visit, I learned that I had this amazing power of Ted that I never knew I had. I could turn him from the Ted that Shelley had known into the Ted I had known in college. Not a good thing seven weeks before a wedding as it would turn out.
Shelley did not immediately say anything in reaction to what Ted said, but as she walked into the kitchen, Ted did make a comment laughing. It was nothing bad, just a typical Ted comment as I can recall.
She walked back in while he and I were continuing to talk and handed him something to drink and walked back into the kitchen without saying a word. A moment later, she walked out with a bag of garbage and went into the garage, slamming the door behind her. We could hear her slamming the metal garbage can around in the garage. She was making a lot of noise.
Ted and I looked at each other with a look of surprise on both our faces.
"Is she mad?" I asked.
"I don't know. I don't know what I did."
Across the cul-de-sac, we heard a car door slam.
"Wow," I said. "She's like a ventriloquist, making noises across the street."
Ted picked the wrong moment to start laughing because that was the moment she walked back in while he was laughing at my idiotic comment.
It pissed her off even more and she stormed off into the kitchen thinking he was laughing at her.
"Oh my God," Ted said.
I was not sure what to say when she entered the room again.
"Honey, are you mad?" he asked.
She looks at me and says, "I really hate it when he is such an ASSHOLE to me in front of his friends."
I tried to make light of the moment. "C'mon Shelley, it's just me. It's not like Ted and I are close friends."
She walked back into the kitchen. After a few moments, Ted says, "I guess I better assume the position."
He stands up, puts his head down as though he acknowledges he did something wrong ad purposely and hysterically slinks behind the couch and towards the kitchen. Ted delivered it well because I was laughing and I really could not stop. By the time he got to the kitchen, he was walking normal and he disappeared into the room.
After a few minutes of sitting on the couch by myself, I got up and walked into the kitchen. Shelley was sitting at the table with her back to the entrance turning the newspaper. While I am no expert with a woman's mood, she was clearly not in a good one and I'll leave it at that. I did not see Ted until I walked past her. He had the refrigerator door opened and he was bent down like he was getting something out of the fridge. There was no way Chelle could see him, but I could.
He had the milk out with the lid off and he was looking at me with a huge grin, holding it under his nose, pretending to smell the milk to see if it was good.
I absolutely lost it. I walked out of the kitchen laughing and I felt terrible to do so because my intention was not to laugh at her expense, but somehow I seemed to bring the Asshole Persona out of Ted.
At some point after she stopped fuming, we went out and had dinner and we saw "Ace Venture." Dinner went smooth except for when Ted joked with the waitress he would like milk to drink, but we calmed her down quickly.
Later that night, she got up to get ready for bed.
"Bryon, if you get up before us, I placed a towel and washrag out for you on the counter. I also put out a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I always have these trips to Japan, so I have a bunch of extras in case I forget mine."
"I should be fine. I think I have everything."
"If you get hungry before we are up, there's bread to make toast, we have pop tarts and there's cereal on the fridge."
Without any thought, I suddenly blurted out, "But Shelley, there's no milk because you threw it out because it expired today."
She was standing there, mouth open, completely stunned and incredulous I said it. I didn't let it die. Ted was laughing himself sick. Without a word, she turned and marched into their bedroom.
"Shelley, I had to say it! If I didn't Ted would have and he'd be out here on the sofa bed with me!"
The next morning, I woke up before them. I left a note to thank them.
I thanked them both for a night away from my issues in Columbus. I told Ted I would see him when he came to Columbus for the Mellencamp concert the week before his wedding and I told Chelle I would see her at the wedding.
I told Chelle not to be so hard on Ted for him reverting back to the Ted I knew in college. He is a much better since the two of them have been dating and she was the reason for that.
I ended the letter with "PS: Shelley, you are out of milk."
When I saw Ted at my door the night of the Mellencamp show over a month later with Mike, Chris and the others, the first words out of his mouth were, "That was the funniest [bleeping] letter I ever read."
"Was she mad?" I asked.
"Oh my God!" was all he could answer.
I remember their wedding quite well. It was at the University of Dayton Chapel and the reception was a lot of fun. It wasn't until the receiving line as we exited the church and I saw Shelley. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she was only acting mad and refusing to hug me because she was laughing at the same time.
For gatherings after that, I would learn she told people the story and they were all laughing at it, so she really had seen the humor in it finally. At parties, when introducing me to a couple of her girlfriends once, she referred to me as "The Milk Guy" and they both reacted, "This is him? He's the one that did it?"
At a Super Bowl party they hosted before moving away, they pulled it out, having saved it. I think Ted may be the reason it got saved because I think she would've thrown it away at the first moment if he had let her, but she seemed to get a kick out of it more than him those following years.
I had gone to college with both of them and I knew Ted really well. He was quite funny and quite obnoxious in college, but once he met Chelle, that seemed to change him a lot. As it was, I became decent friends with Chelle in college as well. By this time, a few years later, we were on good terms and she was not like a couple of the other girlfriends of my friends that did not seem to like me so much.
I pulled into the cul-de-sac and parked in front of the house. Chelle answered the door and invited me in.
"Can I get you something to drink?" she asked.
"What do you have?"
"We have water, iced tea, Diet Pepsi and milk. But, the milk expires today, so it's probably not any good."
"Actually," I answered, "that's just the date the store can't sell it after. It's probably still good for a couple days." I think I drank iced tea.
We were sitting out on the couch for about 15 minutes talking before Ted pulled in.
He walked into the house and she got up to greet him. These two were in love, their wedding was scheduled the next month, the day before or after my birthday as I recall.
After Ted said "Hi" to me and sat down, she offered to get him something to drink.
"What do we have?" he asked.
"We have water, iced tea, Diet Pepsi and milk. But, the milk expires today, so it's probably not any good." She may have said it verbatim to what she told me.
"Actually," Ted replied, "the milk's still good, they just can't sell it after that date."
Ted was from Jersey and Chelle was from Ohio. Even though they both spoke English (Ted was also fluent in Polish as well) sometimes things got lost in translation. Ted and Mike Ferrari were the first exposure for me of people from New Jersey. Ted sometimes could come across obnoxious and I don't think that was his intention to come across that way towards Shelley, but I think she took his tone to be talking down to her. The next year or so when I would visit, I learned that I had this amazing power of Ted that I never knew I had. I could turn him from the Ted that Shelley had known into the Ted I had known in college. Not a good thing seven weeks before a wedding as it would turn out.
Shelley did not immediately say anything in reaction to what Ted said, but as she walked into the kitchen, Ted did make a comment laughing. It was nothing bad, just a typical Ted comment as I can recall.
She walked back in while he and I were continuing to talk and handed him something to drink and walked back into the kitchen without saying a word. A moment later, she walked out with a bag of garbage and went into the garage, slamming the door behind her. We could hear her slamming the metal garbage can around in the garage. She was making a lot of noise.
Ted and I looked at each other with a look of surprise on both our faces.
"Is she mad?" I asked.
"I don't know. I don't know what I did."
Across the cul-de-sac, we heard a car door slam.
"Wow," I said. "She's like a ventriloquist, making noises across the street."
Ted picked the wrong moment to start laughing because that was the moment she walked back in while he was laughing at my idiotic comment.
It pissed her off even more and she stormed off into the kitchen thinking he was laughing at her.
"Oh my God," Ted said.
I was not sure what to say when she entered the room again.
"Honey, are you mad?" he asked.
She looks at me and says, "I really hate it when he is such an ASSHOLE to me in front of his friends."
I tried to make light of the moment. "C'mon Shelley, it's just me. It's not like Ted and I are close friends."
She walked back into the kitchen. After a few moments, Ted says, "I guess I better assume the position."
He stands up, puts his head down as though he acknowledges he did something wrong ad purposely and hysterically slinks behind the couch and towards the kitchen. Ted delivered it well because I was laughing and I really could not stop. By the time he got to the kitchen, he was walking normal and he disappeared into the room.
After a few minutes of sitting on the couch by myself, I got up and walked into the kitchen. Shelley was sitting at the table with her back to the entrance turning the newspaper. While I am no expert with a woman's mood, she was clearly not in a good one and I'll leave it at that. I did not see Ted until I walked past her. He had the refrigerator door opened and he was bent down like he was getting something out of the fridge. There was no way Chelle could see him, but I could.
He had the milk out with the lid off and he was looking at me with a huge grin, holding it under his nose, pretending to smell the milk to see if it was good.
I absolutely lost it. I walked out of the kitchen laughing and I felt terrible to do so because my intention was not to laugh at her expense, but somehow I seemed to bring the Asshole Persona out of Ted.
At some point after she stopped fuming, we went out and had dinner and we saw "Ace Venture." Dinner went smooth except for when Ted joked with the waitress he would like milk to drink, but we calmed her down quickly.
Later that night, she got up to get ready for bed.
"Bryon, if you get up before us, I placed a towel and washrag out for you on the counter. I also put out a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I always have these trips to Japan, so I have a bunch of extras in case I forget mine."
"I should be fine. I think I have everything."
"If you get hungry before we are up, there's bread to make toast, we have pop tarts and there's cereal on the fridge."
Without any thought, I suddenly blurted out, "But Shelley, there's no milk because you threw it out because it expired today."
She was standing there, mouth open, completely stunned and incredulous I said it. I didn't let it die. Ted was laughing himself sick. Without a word, she turned and marched into their bedroom.
"Shelley, I had to say it! If I didn't Ted would have and he'd be out here on the sofa bed with me!"
The next morning, I woke up before them. I left a note to thank them.
I thanked them both for a night away from my issues in Columbus. I told Ted I would see him when he came to Columbus for the Mellencamp concert the week before his wedding and I told Chelle I would see her at the wedding.
I told Chelle not to be so hard on Ted for him reverting back to the Ted I knew in college. He is a much better since the two of them have been dating and she was the reason for that.
I ended the letter with "PS: Shelley, you are out of milk."
When I saw Ted at my door the night of the Mellencamp show over a month later with Mike, Chris and the others, the first words out of his mouth were, "That was the funniest [bleeping] letter I ever read."
"Was she mad?" I asked.
"Oh my God!" was all he could answer.
I remember their wedding quite well. It was at the University of Dayton Chapel and the reception was a lot of fun. It wasn't until the receiving line as we exited the church and I saw Shelley. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she was only acting mad and refusing to hug me because she was laughing at the same time.
For gatherings after that, I would learn she told people the story and they were all laughing at it, so she really had seen the humor in it finally. At parties, when introducing me to a couple of her girlfriends once, she referred to me as "The Milk Guy" and they both reacted, "This is him? He's the one that did it?"
At a Super Bowl party they hosted before moving away, they pulled it out, having saved it. I think Ted may be the reason it got saved because I think she would've thrown it away at the first moment if he had let her, but she seemed to get a kick out of it more than him those following years.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Season 2 of TV's "Roommates" - Now available on DVD!
Now available on DVD, it's Season 2 of "Roommates," the show that examines the lives of an average person in Ohio and his new roommate, The Pope.
***
Episode #1 - "Smores and Snipes"
Bryon has to calm the Pope down when he goes on a camping trip with the St. Bernard Cub Scout Pack and the boys take the Pope on a snipe hunt.
Episode #2 - "Who's your daddy?"
Stigmata, the Pope's dog, has puppies and the Pope obsesses on finding the father of the dogs. Bryon has lunch with the Pope's sister (guest starring Sarah Michelle Gellar) as she is in town for a nun convention.
Episode #3 - "But weight, there's more!"
Bryon keeps adjusting the Pope's scale to make him think he is gaining weight, so the Pope goes on a crash diet.
Episode #4 - "Drowning Nemo"
The Pope discovers his fear of swimming comes from being dunked in the water as an infant during his Baptism, causing him great conflict as he no longer wants to put other children through that ordeal. Bryon accidentally kills the Pope's goldfish David and replaces him with a similar looking goldfish so the Pontiff does not find out.
Episode #5 - "Movie Madness"
The Pope declares himself a fan of Team Edward while waiting at midnight in line for the new "Eclipse" movie.
Episode #6 - "Lack of Ex-Communication"
When a bad call knocks the Vatican City soccer team out of the World Cup, the Pope banishes all the referees and FIFA representatives from the church.
***
Episode #1 - "Smores and Snipes"
Bryon has to calm the Pope down when he goes on a camping trip with the St. Bernard Cub Scout Pack and the boys take the Pope on a snipe hunt.
Episode #2 - "Who's your daddy?"
Stigmata, the Pope's dog, has puppies and the Pope obsesses on finding the father of the dogs. Bryon has lunch with the Pope's sister (guest starring Sarah Michelle Gellar) as she is in town for a nun convention.
Episode #3 - "But weight, there's more!"
Bryon keeps adjusting the Pope's scale to make him think he is gaining weight, so the Pope goes on a crash diet.
Episode #4 - "Drowning Nemo"
The Pope discovers his fear of swimming comes from being dunked in the water as an infant during his Baptism, causing him great conflict as he no longer wants to put other children through that ordeal. Bryon accidentally kills the Pope's goldfish David and replaces him with a similar looking goldfish so the Pontiff does not find out.
Episode #5 - "Movie Madness"
The Pope declares himself a fan of Team Edward while waiting at midnight in line for the new "Eclipse" movie.
Episode #6 - "Lack of Ex-Communication"
When a bad call knocks the Vatican City soccer team out of the World Cup, the Pope banishes all the referees and FIFA representatives from the church.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
When Good Intentions Result in Bureaucratic Bullshit
When they outlaw sudafed, only outlaws will have sudafed.
I began my morning by being turned down for the purchase of sudafed at Walmart. No explanation was given. Same thing happened at Meijers.
So I called the Kentucky Drug Control Policy (502-564-9564.) I was informed I had purchased 4.8 grams in the last 30 days. The limit is 9 grams per 30 day period. They could not explain why I was denied.
I began my morning by being turned down for the purchase of sudafed at Walmart. No explanation was given. Same thing happened at Meijers.
So I called the Kentucky Drug Control Policy (502-564-9564.) I was informed I had purchased 4.8 grams in the last 30 days. The limit is 9 grams per 30 day period. They could not explain why I was denied.
So I called the FDA (888-463-6332.) Thanks to the FDA, I was able to calculate that a box of twenty, 12 hour sudafeds is equal to 2.4 grams. So by my math, I could purchase 3 boxes per month. Mathematically speaking, there is no reason why I cannot buy it. I have up to 4.2 grams I can buy and only wanted 2.4 grams.
The FDA recommended I called the Kentucky Board of Pharmacy (502-564-7910.) I went through their menu and spoke to someone (Darla) and she gave me a phone number for the company that supports Methcheck.
She explained to me why the law was in place. I told her I don't care about people stupid enough to take drugs that will kill them like crystal meth. Maybe I am unsympathetic, but I really feel there is a level of self-accountability that everyone should have.
The FDA recommended I called the Kentucky Board of Pharmacy (502-564-7910.) I went through their menu and spoke to someone (Darla) and she gave me a phone number for the company that supports Methcheck.
She explained to me why the law was in place. I told her I don't care about people stupid enough to take drugs that will kill them like crystal meth. Maybe I am unsympathetic, but I really feel there is a level of self-accountability that everyone should have.
So I called the number and got a Spanish recording that immediately hung up on me.
I called the Pharmacy Board back and spoke with Brian. He transferred me to the DEA. Well, he actually put me into a voice mail box that finally directed me to hit "0" for assistance. I was then told there was no assistance available and it told me to hang up and call back.
I called the Kentucky Board of Pharmacy a third time in a row. The connected me to the Kentucky Drug Control Policy (502-564-9564) and I spoke with the lady AGAIN who I first spoke with.
I called the Pharmacy Board back and spoke with Brian. He transferred me to the DEA. Well, he actually put me into a voice mail box that finally directed me to hit "0" for assistance. I was then told there was no assistance available and it told me to hang up and call back.
I called the Kentucky Board of Pharmacy a third time in a row. The connected me to the Kentucky Drug Control Policy (502-564-9564) and I spoke with the lady AGAIN who I first spoke with.
I was not impressed by the lack of competency of the Kentucky Board of Pharmacy because I had to call them 3 times.
Who is accountable? Who do I go to for answers? Why am I having to deal with bureaucratic bullshit to buy sudafed?
Seriously, should it be this hard to find out why I am being denied much less to buy this stuff?
Am I going to be hanging outside of drug stores trying to find people to by me sudafed, next to all the underage kids trying to get adults to buy them alcohol?
I am still waiting for the Drug Control Policy lady to call me back because she needed to call the people at MethCheck to find out why I am being denied.
If we could only make illegally entering our country this hard.
Who is accountable? Who do I go to for answers? Why am I having to deal with bureaucratic bullshit to buy sudafed?
Seriously, should it be this hard to find out why I am being denied much less to buy this stuff?
Am I going to be hanging outside of drug stores trying to find people to by me sudafed, next to all the underage kids trying to get adults to buy them alcohol?
I am still waiting for the Drug Control Policy lady to call me back because she needed to call the people at MethCheck to find out why I am being denied.
If we could only make illegally entering our country this hard.
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A fallout on Facebook forces the Unites States to break away from Rome when the Pope unfriends the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. (Part 1 of 2)
Episode #8 - "... Divided We Fall"
Bryon devises a plan to make it look like the Pope's login was hacked on Facebook to reunite the Church. (Part 2 of 2)
The bank is going to foreclose on the orphanage, but U2 plans a benefit to save it. The Pope, however, declares, U2's music obscene until Bryon explains that Bono sings "Can you see the beauty inside of me?" and not "Can you see the beauty in sodomy?" in the song "City of Blinding Lights."
Episode #10 - "Car Talk"
The Pope is protested by a local environmental group over his excessive use of the gas guzzling Pope Mobile, so he goes to the dealership to see if he can trade it in. Bryon steps in just in time to keep him from being talked into buying a Hummer by the two salesmen (Click and Clack Tappet.).