Swinging Cactus

A couple Fridays back, my coworker Melissa and I had gone to lunch at Texas Roadhouse. 

For some reason, during the week, the only day they are open for lunch is Friday, so it is always quite crowded.  As a result, the service tends to be slower.  It did give me time to look around the decor from my seat during occasional lulls in the conversation.

On the ledge was a series of small cacti scattered around to the walkway.

"Do you think those are real cacti?" I asked Melissa.

"They look real."

I studied the one closest to me; it was about 6 feet away.

"I don't know," she replied.

I looked at the needles on the stump and they seemed to be curved downward, as if gravity had taken it's toll on it.  What I recall of a cactus is the needles are straight.  The needles also looked colored, but I am color blind and they were quite small.  I also thought that was risky to have real cacti out where a child could touch it or an elderly person could fall into it.  Or even worse, someone could knock it over the ledge onto someone below.

"I think it's fake."  I determined that the risk for an injury to the general public was too high for it to be real.

"Why not touch it?" she dared me.

Maybe I'll just pick it up and smack the waitress in the side of the face with it."  Our waitress was actually quite pretty.  She was blonde and probably about 27 years old. 

Melissa sat next to me for about 16 months and knew my sense of humor well.  I also knew hers well and it did not surprise me she burst out laughing at the thought.

I also decided I would throw Melissa under the bus just for fun.

The pretty waitress came back to our table.

"I was wondering, are those cacti real?"

"No, they're fake," she answered cheerfully. 

"I was going to say, that would be dangerous."

She took a couple steps over and patted the rubber tips on the plant to show they were not real needles.

"That's a relief."  I pointed to Melissa and said, "She wanted to hit you in the side of the face to see if it was real!"

Melissa  screamed, "What!" while simultaneously laughing.  The waitress burst out laughting as well.

"I never said that," insisted Melissa.  How did she not see me doing this from a mile away?  She sat next to me all those months after all and knows my sense of humor.

The waitress through the laughter assured her, "I, somehow, don't think you were the one that said that."

I sat there afterwards, during the meal, and wondered what would actually enrage someone so much as to pick up a cactus and smack someone with it.

My Mother, The Thief, Part III

It had been a very tough week at work because we had an IT disaster with our production system that forced us onto our disaster recovery [DR] plan.  I was in Saturday morning and afternoon to do some clean up when my coworker, Melissa, also had to stop in to wrap some loose ends from our disaster recovery adventure this week. 

[Side note: EVERYONE, including people with home computers and laptops, should have a disaster recovery plan in place when it comes to EVERYTHING, not just computer technology.]

So we both wrapped up at about 2:00 p.m. and decided to go grab something to eat before she headed home and I went over to my mom's.

Melissa was familiar with the story of my mom and her stealing the condiment dishes from a few weeks ago and as the meal was wrapping up, I noticed I had two of the dipping dishes in front of me.  They had 1000 Island dressing in them.

"If my mom were here," I joked, "She would get a to go box and take these home."

I reached over and grabbed my phone.

"I should take a picture of these and send them to my mom and see if she has these."

I snapped a photo and sent a text.

"Do you already have 2 like these?"

Lunch continued for a few minutes and before I knew it, I received a text back.

"Yes but I could use a back up"

Clearly, she is preparing for some kind of disaster recovery.  That said, Melissa and I both laughed at her response.

A moment later, a second text came through.

"I double dog dare you"

I was double dog dared by my mother, grandmother of five plus three step-grandchildren, to steal the condiment dishes.

Now Melissa was laughing her ass off, also daring me to do it.

I did not steal the dishes. 

When I arrived at her house after lunch she wondered where the dishes were.  I was then chastized by her,"You can't say 'No,' to a 'Double Dog Dare.'"