Nicolas Cage Must Die

For years, moviegoers have been tricked into think Nicolas Cage was a good actor. Despite years and years of bad movies and bad roles, Hollywood has somehow continued to think that he is a bona fide star.

It's inexplicable to me and I have railed on his lack of acting abilities for years.

So when my sister and the kids visited in 2005, my sister decided to razz me about my hatred for all things related to Nicolas Cage.

Madison was so excited whenever I visited. She was especially excited to watch a movie with me. This goes back to our adventure of watching "Mighty Joe Young."

"Uncle Bryon!" she squealed. "Do you want to watch 'National Treasure?'"

"Uh, no, Madison. I hate Nicolas Cage."

"But mom says you love him!"

My jaw dropped open in surprise. She knew better than that.

"No! Your mom is lying! I hate Nicolas Cage! He's terrible!"

"But mom says you love him!"

"I hate him and do not want to watch this movie." I saw they also had "The Incredibles." "Let's watch this instead!"

"But mom says you like Nicolas Cage!"

"Madison, she is teasing you! I don't like him."

Madison ran from the family room to the kitchen where Stacy was sitting. She was cracking up.

"Mom! Uncle Bryon says he doesn't like Nicolas Cage!"

Stacy laughs and says, "He LOVES Nicolas Cage! He's just teasing you."

I was ready to kill her.

Madison came running in again and pleaded that I do love Nicolas Cage, so we should watch it. She was in tears at this point because she wanted to watch the movie with Uncle Bryon.

Being the great uncle I am, I responded, "Stop lying Stacy!" She just laughed at me even harder, knowing she sentenced me to two hours of watching a mannequin with an expression of "Duh" on his face. To say his expression on his face looks dumber than a box of rocks is an insult to rocks.

I pleaded with Madison that I really hated him and she just cried harder. She really wanted me to watch the movie with her.

So, I did.

At least Julia Roberts wasn't in it. Same for Vince Vaughn.

The story and adventure weren't too bad, but it would've been so much better with someone else, like a soiled sock puppet missing an eye, playing the lead.