Good job, Grandma

When Avery was two, she was a real handful. Grandma was watching her one day and nature was calling. Rather than leave Avery out to destroy the house in the two minutes it might take her to run in and out she took Avery into the bathroom with her so she could keep an eye on her.

Avery stood there waiting for Grandma to complete her business.

Avery watched intently and when Grandma was finished she blurted out, "Good job, Grandma!" This was followed by Avery giving her a high five!

Stacy later explained to mom that this was the exact same positive reinforcement she had been giving Avery when she was successful with the potty. Avery was impressed Grandma could do it and she shared her positive reinforcement with her.

Good job, Grandma!!!

Uncle Bryon and Calvin

A few months after Calvin infected everyone with whooping cough, I was back in Arkansas visiting the family. Calvin had moved from his old bedroom to the bedroom above the garage. He no longer had the bunk beds, so we had a mattress on the floor for him as I took his bed while I was visiting.

One morning, I woke up as Calvin woke up about the same time. He stood looking at me and being a gross person, I ripped an enormous fart under the covers and said, "Good morning, buddy!".

He walked out of the room, I figured because he was grossed out by what I did.

Stacy later said he walked into her bedroom and said, "Mom. Uncle Bryon farted. IN MY BED!"

He was MAD!

I just busted out laughing when she told me the story. I'm a guy. Fart stories are just funny.

Happy Birthday!

Don't you hate it when a perfectly good joke goes awry? Especially when the person does not get the joke or fails to connect the dots?

I came across a page while cleaning out one of my boxes Sunday night in preparing to move. I spent 20 minutes trying to come up with the right thing to say on a birthday card I got someone once and the final copy was what I came across on this paper the other night.

~ A few years earlier ~

A few years ago, I was working with this woman and I asked her out. She was a nice, friendly person. I liked her. She seemed friendly enough to me.

She declined, saying she had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and she was not ready to get into a new one. I'm not saying it's not a legitimate reason, but I really didn't care either way. She said no, so I did not ask her again.

As it was, I knew when her birthday was about four months later. I got her a birthday card and after much deliberation, I wrote the following note in it:

I thought giving you a card might be a little risky. For all I know you may have just read a really bad birthday card and you may not be ready to try reading a really great card that you might enjoy, but you wouldn't know it until you read it.

I thought it was hilarious.

She never spoke to me again, but that was not a huge loss.

I distinctly remember Scott S. thought it was extremely hilarious, but then again, he and I think alike on some things. I remember his reaction as I read the first few words and he already knew where I was going with it. "The word 'genius,'" he said, "is so often overused..."

I am the first to say Scott may not be the best to judge. It might've been a little obnoxious, but I got a huge laugh out of it.

A lot of women, but not all, seemed to think it sounded creepy or stalkerish. Must be a gender thing, I guess. How can they not see the humor in it?

Painting FAQ

Last June I painted three rooms in the house and wrote down my "Best Practices" for anyone who is thinking of painting.

1. When painting a ceiling (please refrain from the obvious joke) always go with ceiling paint. This is a specific type of off white that splatters a lot less than regular interior paint. When rolling this paint on, use the thicker rollers to apply.

2. Use a new roller for the final coat. My walls took two coats and the second coat was nicer when I used a new roller. It's worth the cost of the extra roller.

3. If painting a wall an accenting color, use a paint at least two shades darker on the palette otherwise it may be difficult to really notice the paint is darker and not simply a shadow.

4. Don't leave paint trays on a ladder. Check which step you are on (mom) before stepping down. You may be on the second rung, but think you are on the bottom rung.

5. This goes with #4, but Resolve is a fantastic carpet cleaner. Thankfully, when the tray fell off the ladder, it was empty, but it took only 10 minutes to clean it up with the Resolve carpet cleaner. No one could pick the spot where the tray landed wet side down.

6. Have 3x the number of paint stirrers as you have paint cans. 6 paint cans = 18 stirrers.

7. Using tape on the carpet around the baseboards is ABSOLUTELY worth the set up time. It works great.

8. Tape actually saved me time in the long run. Tape around the windows, around painted trim, etc. means you don't need to go back and touch up AGAIN after the paint dries. Get at least 1 inch wide tape.

9. There are more than 70 shades of white. This is useless for a man who only needs one white or one off white to paint trim.

10. Don't mock the help when they have a wet paint roller in their hand.

11. Cheap vinyl shower liners ($2.85 at Walmart) make great drop clothes. Don't spend $20 or more on a drop cloth.

12. Aluminum foil will wrap nicely around a wet brush and keep it wet if you want to take a break from painting and go back later after the break. It works well around a roller as well.

13. Have 1 tapered brush and 2 regular brushes per person. This can allow you to wait until the end of the day to clean up and not periodically cleaning as the day goes.

14. Plastic 16 ounce cups are ideal for holding paint when using a brush. They also pour easily back into the can and are easily disposable.